Two for the price of one – Captain Meme reporting
Boules games are a bit like buses you get one on a weekly basis and then you two in a week, I’m sure were up to it!
Only two brief reports this time due to me being in high demand on the social circuit, a busy time of year for us socialites.
We faced the White hart currently second in the division though Beer started with high expectations throwing caution to the wind, The Count and Meme were deployed meeting Jason and Matt. In a some what scrappy game Beer took the upper hand and the first game 9-6.
Sparky and the fair Lady Jayne followed suit winning their game slightly quicker by the score of 9-4.
Then Smokey and the man of the Carling moment extraordinaire lanky Sam battled it out with Steve and Jim. They quickly were annihilated 0-9 and with a few of those afore said moments thrown in for good measure.
We fought back taking the next game, with Smokey, Lanky and Sparky beating Jason, Matt and Steven 9-7.
The last game of the night saw Lady Jayne, The Count and the woman who does wonders with her bap’s and what she put in them, Lynda. Going head to head with Ben, Jim and Dan, who played well despite Dan trying to avoid getting a P45 from Sparky? They took the game 2-9 but the White hart had still lost the match three, two.
Thursday 28th saw us meeting again with those from the capital of gnat city the Kings arms A. We’ve met several times before and the games have always been close affairs, would tonight be any different?
Big Kim and Lanky quickly got proceedings moving against Dennis and Ken, it was a very close game going right down to the wire with the King’s arms wining 9-8.
Smokey and Meme quickly put their game to bed beating Jamie and Ashley 9-3.
Kim and Kevin for the Kings arms replied in kind beating Woody and Lady Jayne by the same score 9-3.
Smokey, Lady Jayne and Meme put up a gallant fight but it was Jamie, Ken and Ashley who triumphed 9-6.
With the prospect of a four one drubbing, Big Kim, Woody and Lanky fought it out with Kim, Kevin and Denis two thirds of the KKK. Even with the mobile disco of the fair below raging they summoned the force from within and were victorious over the King’s arms trio 9-4.
There you have it, two games with three two score lines one in our favour and one in our opponents but close games never the less.
Next week we face the Kingfisher rebels at home and we need a good result despite missing four of our regular players, as the Kings arms have moved towards the top of the league maybe even leading it after playing their back matches.
“Rain stops play” – Captain Meme reporting
We had avoided a near thing calling off the match on Tuesday afternoon due to the gloomy conditions only for it to start raining on a semi biblical proportion at exactly seven thirty pm. By then all had assembled and were looking a little cheesed off. The Lamb not wanting to spoil their fleeces said “we don’t do rain” how about ewe? After chewing the matter over it was decided to reschedule the match for Thursday the seventh instead.
Thursday came and we all arrived at the club and for a change were all on the piste for the start. Lanky and Woody were ready to get things started and they were joined by Josh and Rich. The Lamb pairing shot off like a rocket racing into a 0-8 lead. In the next end it was a measure and Beer secured a single point to avoid a nine nil white wash. Lanky and Woody started to claw their way back taking four more and were holding shot. When in one of his now famous or infamous moves Lanky scored a magnificent home goal Carlin moment. Knocking out our boule leaving them holding a winning shot and the game at 5-9, well done Lanky!
One nil down, were we for the lamb chop? Not if The Count and Meme had their way. Doreen and Bron didn’t really get a look in with our boys knocking them out for the count 9-2.
Ozzy now partnering Smokey were limbering up and flexing their mussels in readiness for the battle to come against Alan and this year’s singles winner Graham.
What a game with neither side giving any quarter, it was Beer who rammed home the advantage winning 9-6.
Josh, Rich and Doreen were the Lambs first participants of the triples coming up against The Count, Lanky and Meme and what a formidable trio. So it proved to be as they fleeced the lamb 9-1, securing the winning game of the match.
We were three one up and a smell of mint sauce was in the air, would the Lambs Alan, Graham and Bron get a whiff, time would tell. Catering supremo Linda, Ozzy and Smokey approached the piste and what do you know déjà vu we had shorn the Lamb to within an inch of a white wash again winning 9-1, they must have had more than a whiff of mint sauce!
None the less we all had a good time enjoying each others company and indulging in a great deal of micky taking.
Next weeks adventure is against the Kings arms A away to the metropolis of gnat city. It should be a good game with them third in the table and with a game in hand, bring it on!
Gooooooal! – Captain Meme reporting
This week’s challenge is for Beer club to face STFC on that tricky piste, which we haven’t set foot on for at least four years, here’s crossing our fingers for luck I think were going to need it!
Lady Jayne and the court jester Sparky at her side kicked off the match against Paul and Elaine.
The ref’s whistle blew and away we went straight into the game, by half time both sides were just about level. Paul and Elaine manoeuvred for the set piece and gooooooal; they didn’t look back after that going on to win 4-9.
John and Bimbo headed for the piste shortly followed by Smokey and Meme. The game was progressing nicely with both sides scoring one point at a time. STFC set up a free kick and sprung the jack into the open and scored heavily, with an almost identical move they ran out 3-9 winners.
Not a good start, two nil down we couldn’t afford to loose another game let alone risk loosing the match.
Lanky Sam and Ozzy had to save the day, they faced Chris and Gavin in a gladiatorial must win game. Well let’s just say the STFC put the boot in at every chance and it soon became obvious that we were headed for the slippery slope of disaster. 1-9 the score and three nil in games and with it the match to Seaton and still the second half of the match to go, could it get any worse?
A change of tactics and time for the reserves to be deployed in the form of Mr Kiplin’s side kick the catering manager of Beer club Lynn, accompanied by Sparky and Woody. Charlie, Bimbo and Elaine had risen to the occasion giving us a right battering leaving our trio to fight over the crumbs as they were beaten 0-9.
Time for a substitution and off the bench came Le Frog hopping onto action along with Lady Jayne and Lanky. Looking to win the game and match and seal a five nil crushing of Beer. Chris, Gavin and Paul launched into action shooting from a corner and every other angle and opportunity to score a famous 0-9 win and that converted white wash of the opposition! Well let’s look at it this way we can’t do any worse next week!
It must have been like wining the World Cup beating the top of the league five nil, which will have dropped us down a place or three unless were lucky. Never mind we still enjoyed ourselves never the less.
On to next week and we face the Lamb mutton at home and taking nothing for granted after this weeks result. If you feel inclined and fancy a laugh especially at our expense why not come along.
David’s gleaming shoes? – Captain Meme reporting
Just for once we’re not playing a team from the Kings Arms; instead we face Buzz (Lightyear) and his band of space cadets from the Royal Clarence.
Episode VII “The curse of the bogey team”
Guess what; it was like getting blood from a stone removing the team from the bar, tears and temper tantrums put behind them we were ready for the off.
Still complaining not about being ejected from the bar for a change but about having to play first was Lanky Sam partnered by his cohort in crime Ozzy.
From the dark side of the force came David and his novice Tom, David’s teachings of the force were obviously incomplete as they quickly fell behind. The apprentice’s shoes were dazzlingly bright but looking at shoes of his master something had been lost in his tutelage. For when you looked at the David’s shoes they looked like they hadn’t been touch for years lustre less, cracked with flaky leather and all. This imbalance within the force enabled our two Jedi’s to swoop and clear up winning 9-2.
Now it was the turn of Smokey and Meme to enter the fray against Mike and Sandra, what was going on! Out of the first nine shots we had scored two for us and seven for the Clarence, was Sandra some sort of sorceress and Mike the master wizard? We just couldn’t stop scoring points for the dark side of the force. With Yoda and Obi wan looking down on us they struck out towards the light, light sabres at the ready Smoky and Meme launched into action. The force was strong within us facilitating our push and on the way to winning the following ends taking seven shots in a row to become victorious at 9-7.
The Emperor released his dark warriors Buzz who had been seduced by the dark side and Roger his pupil of the dark arts. Their combatants Sparky who would light the way for his apprentice Woody in the encounter to come. Buzz stood there his power cells at maximum with Roger at his side, the battle was swift and decisive had good triumphed over evil. Not in this case as the dark duo levitated to greatness devastating the opposition 2-9.
The second battle of the war started with Lanky, Sparky and Woody clashing with Mike, Sandra and the Emperor of shoes apprentice Tom. What a close encounter with both sides being on top of their game and the next one being toppled like a stack of dominoes. The flow of power ebbed threw both sides and on the brink of defeat the will of the force within Beer proved to be stronger grasping several shots in the last end to win 9-8.
It was time for the titans to meet both undefeated and looking for more conquests!
Ozzy, Smokey and Meme confronted the shadowy force of Buzz, Roger and the Emperor of shoes himself David. The battle between the two was swift and merciless, casualties in abundance and no prisoners taken. The side of darkness had been routed and defeated 9-1, vanquished from the field of conflict and the curse of the bogey team banished to the four winds!
A lot of fun was had once again and at the expense of quiet a few and especially David and his shiny shoes!!!!!
Next week our journeys take us to the desolate and forbidding land known as Seaton football club and the Gemini piste of two half’s.
“Moving on up” – Captain Meme reporting
Another week later and another Kings Arms team this time the Jesters to encounter. Bottom of the league the jesters would relish the chance to cause an upset to high flyers Beer club.
With their Marotte’s (Jesters sticks) waving and their bells a jingling and not to mention those socks! What can you say about those except there colourful and there extremely loud and combined with shorts not a pleasant sight!
We were all eager for the off and ready for action are own Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire that’s Lady Jayne and Sparky. Faced the Jesters equivalent of Big Baz and Shirley, what a dance off this would be. Tripping the light fantastic our duo shot into action and with it a 4-0 lead, Baz and Shirley stepped up a gear straight into the quick step and after that it wasn’t so much of a case of Strictly Come Dancing, as strictly curtains for Lady Jayne and Sparky losing 4-9.
On their way to that upset the jesters released their dogs of war Roger and Tony. Lanky Sam and Ozzy were in no mood for taking any prisoners and set to work on levelling the match. Those dogs of war’s bark soon turn to a whimper and with their tails between their legs they found themselves routed 9-0.
The scores level could Greg and Olwyn forge ahead giving the Jesters the lead again or would Smokey and Meme strike first. They say lightning doesn’t strike twice but you can always rely on a case of déjà vu and with the Jesters crumbling under the pressure leaving Smokey and Meme to leave the arena like two victorious gladiators not in their prime but ones just a little frayed round the edges but still managing to win 9-0.
We had the lead could we keep it? Big Baz, Roger and Tina faced across the expanse of the piste Lanky, Ozzy and Sparky. It quickly became apparent that it was a slippery slope for the Jesters. Tina’s feminine charms were like water off a ducks back and no match for steely determination. Even the onslaught of the squadrons of midges couldn’t stop Beers trio from sealing victory 9-4.
We had triumphed but could we cement our victory by taking the last game of the night, mortar to the point will it keep us at the top of the table next week.
Tina’s feminine charms hadn’t worked, would three times the power do it? The Jesters answer to the Sugar Babes Di, Olwyn and Shirley thought it just might.
Swinging into action for the club were stalwarts Lady Jayne, Smokey and Meme. Who leaped into a 5-0 lead and then it all started to get a bit fruity for the Sugar babes and unfortunately a bit pear shaped for us. Five nil quickly became five all then five, eight in favour of the jesters. Beer stopped the riot by taking one in the next end, still on the brink of defeat we headed straight for our glasses, not the optical ones silly. Downed some fortification and went for it, Jayne trail blazing, Meme springing the jack and holding shot and Smokey scoring the vital points for the conquest over the Jesters at 9-8.
The game wasn’t quite as one sided as it looked and I expect it’s been the same for most of the season. We had a great night as we did the last time we played them, plenty of fun and frivolity sadly as things stand even if we stay in this division they won’t be what a shame!
Our minds are drawn to next week’s adventure against the Royal Clarence A who has been our bogey team in the past so let hope next week we are bogey free! Why not come along and find out we’re at home!
Half way – Captain Meme reporting
For this weeks thrilling episode we step back in time just a little where the Kings Cavaliers take on the Beer roundheads.
As per usual the Beer roundheads were living up to their name sakes and finding it extremely difficult to extract themselves from the bar, some more than others weren’t they Lanky!
First into the breach were Ozzy and Lanky against Phil and Norman, would he be of the Storming Norman variety. It seemed so as the cavaliers raced into an 8-5 lead and on the brink of victory. Lanky and Ozzy managed to somehow pull it out of the bag snatching victory by the narrowest of margins at 9-8.
Trying to keep the momentum swinging in their favour were Smokey and Meme, the Kings Cavaliers sent in John and Mike, RNLI volunteer extraordinaire. Would he find himself all at sea and in need to be rescued? It seemed so as they sunk without a trace 9-5 leaving just a few ripples as evidence of their demise.
Would Lady Jayne and Sparky keep us on a roll or any other patisserie for that matter? Les and Shelia discovered the going doughy and heavy and they found they couldn’t have their cake and eat it! Within a short space of time they’d sucrumbed 9-6.
Not only had we reached the halfway point in the match but of the season as well.
Round two, seconds out. Lady Jayne, Sparky and Smokey clashed with Sheila, Les and John. They were put two the sword and were quickly put out of their misery with a score line of 9-1.
Last game of the night saw the three pink, no not ladies but the manly figures of Ozzy, Lanky and Meme sporting their near florescent pink shirts. Their opponents Phil, Mike and Storming Norman found themselves out of their dept even having a Carlin moment or three. Suddenly they formed a plan of attack and made their assault on team Beer. With a last gasp surge they grabbed the game by the scruff of the neck taking the game 7-9 and salvaging some pride for their team.
Four, one the final score and keeping us at the top of the division, if were not careful we’ll be back in the first division!
The blues brother! – captain Meme reporting
Another fine day in the paradise of Beer it was sunny and pleasant, even some of the Kingfisher team were there early enjoying a beer or three in the sun.
Gracing the piste first was Lanky last week’s hero and Ozzy, joining them were Julie and Andy code name Blue. Would the missing Blues brother affect his mind set it appeared so as even a rousing verse of Rawhide wasn’t enough to save them, ending up runners up with a score line of 2-9.
The second game saw the return of Meme accompanied by that dark sprit The Count. They faced Ralph the postie sporting some fetching braces ready to use as catapults if the need arises, he was joined by Liz who appeared to have had a little too much of the Nitrous oxide or laughing gas if you prefer.
Ralph’s braces keep snagging and Liz couldn’t stop giggling, Beers pairing made the most of it and ended up 9-1 winners.
In the last of the pairs Woody and that live wire Sparky clashed with Neil and Paul. Sparky’s resistance was low and with his spark dimming, Woody tried to save the day but with no round up gang it was Fourplay who went on to win 9-1.
Two one up and time for Lady Jayne to make an appearance with her two gallant knights Sir Ozzy of Osbornes and Sir Sparky of Barlinealot. Not daunted Helen, Neil and Blue the solitary brother took up the gauntlet of the challenge.
What a tournament with both sides encamped, joust followed joust with many a broken lance, with mace and broadsword being unleashed it was the Fourplay challengers who had won favour and the game 9-8.
Two games apiece and once more a last game decider, the opposition released Ralph the postie, Julie and Paul. Now the light was fading it was time once more to unleash the dark force of The Count joined by his two henchmen Lanky and Meme. The Counts mystic powers were well in evidence even Liz had stopped giggling, well for a few seconds! Even with a Carlin moment or two our mystic trio had been victorious 9-3 and with it the match 3-2.
Returning to the bar as is the norm for the food prepared by our catering manager Linda and to wash it down with a glass of grog or two, normally four or five knowing our lot! After much banter and merriment and little more of the grog we bid a fond farewell to the Kingfisher.
Lanky takes the helm – Captain Meme reporting
No Meme for this weeks match as it’s his turn to have the lurg, Lanky Sam would take the reins and hopefully steer them to victory. Only a brief report this week as I only received the barest of facts.
Safely arriving at the kingfisher Rebels HQ they deployed ready to unleash the strategy of mayhem.
First onto the attack were Woody and Ozzy striking out for victory, it was close and hard fought but sheriff Woody saved the day with his posse of one.
So far so good could Lady Jane and Smokey do as well? By all accounts Lady Jane had morphed into wonder woman she was smoking; more than Smokey and with it came a swift success.
Two nil up and looking good will Sparky and Lanky be just as lucrative in the hunt for glory? They were with Lanky being the man of the moment they snatched victory and with it the team had crossed the winning line.
Was the Kingfisher capitulating? Sparky, Linda and Smokey found not a bit of it, soon finding themselves on the wrong end of things and the indignity of defeat was theirs.
Lady Jane or should I say Wonder woman, Woody and Lanky were trying to keep the boules swinging in our favour. Those kingfisher rebels throw a few googlies of their own and despite a valiant fight back the game belonged to the Kingfisher.
With a score line of 3-2 we had still managed to be triumphant but only just.
No doubt before the journey home a little of the alcoholic beverages were forced passed their lips along with a smattering of food no doubt.
Next week we are at home to the Kingfisher again, Fourplay this time, can we do as well as this week why not come along and find out!
Flaming June… flaming rain! – Captain Meme reporting
On an evening where webbed feet were distinctly an advantage with waterproofs or water wings essential options. We left the club and headed for the White hart amidst the pouring rain and once there quickly decided to get wet on the inside of course. After about half an hour we were sufficiently wet on the inside and the rain had subsided enough from a deluge for us to attempt to play the match.
We were missing four of our regular players this week due to one thing or another which could make things a little tricky for our side, especially as we had two virgin players in the team a long time since most of us can remember being a virgin, player of course! Never the less we would give our all in trying to secure the match.
Ozzy and Lanky with their flippers on standby would get us underway, looking just as wet as the rest of us Jason and Lyds completed the line up. Making the most of the watery conditions Lanky and Ozzy set sail and with the current behind them quickly found themselves docking at 9-0.
It was the turn of our debutantes to make their appearance Keith aka Le Frog and Linda the catering manager for the team, they where up against Ben and Matt. Under the thin layer of gravel of the piste is mud and the wet conditions seemed to be bringing it to life oozing through and it started to resemble the Somme which was covering the boules in mud and making them slippy. Even though you would think Le Frog would be at home in this climate and considering it was their first appearance they did well but unfortunately they croaked 2-9.
The rain had finally stopped what a relief and Smokey and Meme squelched onto the piste, waiting there were Liam and John. Beers duo took six in the first end and just two more ends to win 9-0, lady luck and the mud must have been on our pairs side, to let us stick it to them like that.
The tree along side the piste was trying to compensate for the rain by dripping on anyone who got near it. Linda, Lanky and Ozzy got out of range and into action. Dan, Ben and Jim also got out of range of the tree and quickly found their range. Firing shots down onto their opponents left right and centre it was just too much for them, soon it was all over for the clubs trio who were left Flandering in the mud 1-9.
Once again for the second time in as many weeks the match stood at two all with a final game decider.
In the clincher Smokey, Meme and Le Frog who should be by now feeling right at home in this humid atmosphere and were all ready to take on the White harts big guns Jason, Liam and Matt.
The opposition being more used to the Somme like conditions took the lead; soon Beer had caught them up and over took only for it all to be level once again at 5-5. We then got a bit entrenched and with the White hart went on the offensive, it wasn’t for the lack of trying but we had become just a little too stuck in the mud and even the water wings couldn’t save us from losing 6-9 and the match 2-3.
Not a bad result all considering, being as we were slightly wet on the outside we thought we might as well continue the process on the inside at the bar. Now dried out somewhat and pleasantries concluded we headed home, we had an enjoyable night with the lads and lass from the White hart despite the weather.
Next week it’s the annual tournaments for the singles and the pairs, unless anything changes Sparky will represent the club in the singles and Smokey and Meme in the pairs wish us luck.
Clash of the titans – Captain Meme reporting
Another perfect day until six o’clock when again the heavens opened and it poured down raining cats and dogs, when will it ever end? With some relief the mini monsoon had ended and the clash between the top two teams would commence.
The king pins of the league and unbeaten are the Kings Arms A, were visiting Beer at home second place in the table and with a chance of becoming league leaders.
Slightly depleted in the ranks with Woody having a blow out in his boot or ambushed by the natives on his marathon trek to Lyme Regis, maybe never to be seen again! No Smokey either as he was in his own battle with the lurg, never the less we had the six players required.
The new number one pairing for now anyway Lanky and The Count readied themselves for what was about to come against Ken and Stan. By eck what a game with the Count sucking the life out of the opposition, only for them to have a transfusion and make a comeback to draw level at 8-8. With one of those googly type shots Beers pairing had done it! Taken the vital last point and with it the game.
In another very tight game lady Jane and Ozzy crossed swords with the king’s men Kim and Ash, therefore makings us by default the Roundheads in opposition. It was Kim and Ash that came from 8-5 down to draw level at 8-8 once again. Would lady luck shine on us again? Alas she was favouring the king’s men levelling the match.
If the first two games were anything to go by the third one would be a hard fought and just as tight once more.
Sparky and Meme were ready to engage the foe, Jamie and Kev. Another ding dong of a game neither side giving any quarter. The Roundheads Sparky and Meme made a last minute charge toward their combatants, taking no prisoners and succeeded in gaining two to win 9-7.
A lead of two one and on the verge of an upset, the forth game and first of the triples comprised of The Count, Lanky and Ozzy for the Roundheads and for the Cavaliers it was Pierre, Kim and Jamie.
The king’s men were after blood and looking to run through the opposition. Beer put up a good defence to start but their parry and riposte were not enough, the king’s arms had won 1-9 and with it they level the match.
Here we are two all and the final game of the match would decide the outcome, whether the Kings arms would maintain their 100% record of not losing a game or would their crown be slightly dented.
Lady Jane accompanied by her gallant knights Sparky and Meme set forth to meet the challenge laid down by Stan, Ken and Ash. The clash of titans was nearly over the struggle and campaign for the crusade of glory had started. Both teams played out of their skin, when the dust had settled it was the Kings arms that had been conquered and their run of wins brought to an end, 9-6 the score and the match 3-2.
The Kings Arms were not too down hearted as they are still top of the table with us hot on their heels.
The food all gone and the tête-à-tête over and time now to say our farewells, a pleasurable night was over for all.
Next week we are away to the White hart A another tough match to look forward to as they are only one place below us in the league.
Freezing...it was flipping Baltic! – captain Meme reporting
A treat this week chauffer driven by Sketchy to the destination of action the Lamb at Axminster.
Just the six of us this week after Lady Jane and Ozzy’s last minute withdrawal which meant everyone was guaranteed two games no matter how much we cocked up!
The ice broken from the piste and crampons packed away, Josh and Rich now regretting wearing apparel of the shorts variety and feeling just a little nippy in places. Lanky Sam Carlin and Woody wearing more suitable attired and feeling smugness in their snugness were straight into their swing. Beer held the lead until Lanky delivered a Carlin moment or two and found themselves drawn level at 8-8. In the last do or die end Woody and Lanky were cool under pressure; not surprising considering the temperature even the ice in the drinks was staying frozen. With a will of icy coolness they snatched that vital point to win 9-8.
New boy Neil, The Count and Sparky found themselves up against Mike and Doreen on what was know feeling like the Siberian tundra. The game was a close affair with both sides being evenly matched. At the finish it was Beer who was better able to cope with the artic condition and won 9-7 in another close run game.
Last of the pairings comprised of last years singles runner up Graham and Alan a tough pairing. Always ready for a challenge especially at the bar were Smokey and Meme, by now feeling like a couple of pop sickles. Having thawed out a little they set to work on the task in hand and soon found themselves 7-1 up. Seemingly on their way to a comfortable win the lights were switched on and with that it started to go a bit pear shaped. Graham and Alan were coping with the change of lighting conditions and showing what they were capable of. It was leaving Beer’s duo blind as a bat and
soon they were just one shot ahead at 7-6. Their acoustic sonar now fully working Smokey and Meme seized their chance and pinched two in the next end to win 9-6.
Three nil up and the game already in the bag, would it continue Woody, Sparky and Meme hoped so.
Josh still wearing his shorts and now regretting it even more with Rich and Bron were seeking the first win and to get on the score card. With all three of Beer’s players playing well and with some cracking shots, with the assets of some of the opposition frozen Beer romped home to a 9-1 victory.
Still looking for their first win Graham, Alan and Mike took to the piste. They were joined by The Count, Lanky and Sparky. Now even colder, you could see your breath and all the stars at night, would we be thanking our lucky stars? With a game of tit for tat and forty minutes later both teams were level at 8-8. Now both teams on the verge of victory and the brink of defeat which team would ice the other, will the Lamb get chopped with a side of mint sauce or will Beer be drowning its sorrows?
Well it was Beer who was the one who was in high sprits, scraping across the line 9-8.
Yes ewe guessed it the coldest night of the year and we finish playing at eleven o’clock. Taking our frozen bodies to the bar to thaw out and dine on the spread before us accompanied by the usual friendly banter, sadly it was time to head for home and say goodbye to our friends.
Next week we are at home in a tough match to the top of the table and unbeaten the Kings arms A, why not come and cheer us on!
No score draw tonight – Captain Meme reporting
It’s Tuesday seven thirty and not for the first time this season the weather was to say the least a little hit and miss.
All the lads and lass from the club were just about assembled in a huddle on the piste. Seaton Town FC’s team were in a 3, 2, 2 formation, would it be a match winning one?
The whistle blew and kick off commenced with Sparky and Lady Jane scoring first, Pete and John soon equalised. This pattern continued throughout, one pair edging in front only to be pegged back again. Beer saw it’s chance and scored two in the dying minutes of the game to win 9-7.
Pete and John had been subbed for Paul and Bimbo; their opponents in a league of their own were Smokey and Meme. We were off battling away trying not to get caught in the off side trap. Plenty of mid field action from both sides, a lovely tackle saw Smokey and Meme snatch procession and score four on the bounce to win 9-5.
Last pairs onto the pitch, oops piste saw Ozzy and Lanky Sam verses Charlie and Elaine. Seaton club scored first but unfortunately for them their boule control was lacking a tad, seizing their moment Ozzy and Lanky scored heavily. Time after time Charlie and Elaine’s defence was torn apart, “they think it’s all over… it is now” with a final winning shot they had lost 9-1.
Three nil up and it’s time for the second half with the three aside games just about to kick off. Seaton club were down but not out and to show they meant business! Pete, John and Chris stepped forth. They would be up against those who were known to be adept with anything orb like and symmetrical? Sparky, Ozzy and new boy Neil, having finished making sure their orbs were in perfect condition and ready for action. They were full of confidence and with some fancy foot work scored two to take an early lead. Fancy foot work now turning to dribbling, their rivals now peaking on top of their game. The omen of disaster appeared, first one then another and another until it was staring them in the face and they could not avoid the inevitable any longer. Seaton club had done it and won their first game; it was a miracle for manager/captain, now less likely to be one of those victims of those now famous managerial reshuffles.
In the final game of the night which meant the difference between 2-3 or 1-4 for Seaton, Paul, Bimbo and Charlie, would vie for the glory with Lady Jane, Lanky Sam and Meme.
Set piece after set piece failed to produce a break through until Sam produced break through of his own with a fine Carlin moment, from holding three shots to one. Meme was at it as well, when attempting a curve ball and gifted the shot to their combatants. Both players redeemed themselves in fine style and with aid of the fair Lady Jane went on to win 9-4, giving Beer a 4-1 win over the Seaton town FC.
The whistle blown and full time called, the football club retiring to the bar and not a hooligan in sight. All gathered to regale yarns and tell tale of anecdotes, besides the magic act of making the food disappear in a flash, no slices of orange mind! A good time was had by all during the evening, but sadly we had to bid farewell.
No game next week for us as we are not in the cup any more, time for practice? On second thoughts probably not knowing are lot unless it’s in the bar! In two weeks time we’ll be meeting old friends from the Lamb mutton. Who we’ve not played for a couple of seasons, we look forward to it with anticipation.
To infinity… and beyond! – Captain Meme reporting
The gang travelled in the galactic space wagon to the galaxy of Seaton, a far far away place on the outer reaches of known civilisation. Having landed safely on the planet Clarence, we were greeted and then readied ourselves to cross lasers with Buzz, Lightyear of course space ranger and his fellow intergalactic space cadets from star command. Luckily our collection of heroes comprised of the main man himself, Woody and the entire round up gang.
Getting us underway were Sandra and Linda alias Bo Peep and Barbie representing Beer were Woody and his posse of one Meme. With the aid of their mechanical boule extraction device Bo and Barbie use all the power of the force to defeat the boys from the alliance 3-9. Woody said “the force is strong within them” Meme said “not arf!”
Could Ozzy and Lanky do any better verses Mike a.k.a Mr Potato head and his partner in crime David using his pseudonym of Rex. Beers duo were smoking taking five shots in one end, the smoking was quickly extinguished. Must have been no smoking day I guess? Two more were scored by Beer before losing 7-9, Rex roared with delight and Mr Potato head ears popped off with surprise.
Losing the first two games and in it up to our waists and needing a little of that magic brown paste of a fore mentioned fame!
Buz Lightyear himself partnered by Roger also known as that sly old dog, Slinky. Went head to head with, Sparky and Chris with his new name of Smokey who seemed to be having Carlin moments of his own all over the place, scoring more points for the opposition than us. It soon became apparent with Buzz’s laser guided boules sight and with Slinky throwing a coil of despair around the lads. They soon found that they were on the wrong end of a 6-9 score line.
The match now lost and now in danger of the dreaded white wash ourselves. Woody cowboy supreme, Sparky and not least Lanky Sam were corralled at one end of the piste, at the other stood Rex, Mr Potato head and Bo Peep. Our trio played like they were possessed, which has been said about several members of the team once or twice in the past! Rex, who had lost his roar, Mr Potato head had turn to mash and Bo peep had lost her sheep, Beer had swept them aside 9-1.
The whitewash avoided Ozzy, Meme and Smokey would try and follow suit with another win. Buzz having made up with his dad Zurg was feeling Energisered and Everyready with his faithful side kicks Slinky and Barbie they entered the arena. Beer surged to a 4-0 lead, with our life force waning. Buzz’s trio of super heroes blasted off and landed level at 4-4 and then launching into hyper drive they raced into a 4-8 lead, could we fight back and snatch the win. Two space cadets defeated before our battery power started ebbing and drained away we crashed out 6-9. How the mighty have fallen, a 5-0 win last week and a 1-4 defeat this, well done the Clarence you played well.
Retreating to space command commonly known as the bar, we dined on food out of this world. Next week we take our chances against the Seaton town FC,A at home, lets hope the score lines a little more down to earth and not down to earth with a bump!
What a sight to behold! – Captain Meme reporting
It was a home match and Meme arrived at the club early to prepare the piste for the night’s action. When suddenly this apparition appeared, it was the advance party from the Kings Jesters. A mixed bag all shapes and sizes just like a bag of Bassets Allsorts, alas they were missing Bertie, but they did have a Basil!
Our bag of soft centres duly arrived and headed straight for the bar, no surprise there then!
Dragging them away from the bar much to the indignation of all concerned, they assembled around the piste and we could get proceedings underway.
Woody and Meme got the boules rolling against Di and Roger. The pairing of Woody and Meme quickly found themselves 3-0 up after the first end. The trend continued and within four ends it was all over, a score of nine without reply. Somewhat surprised at the ease of their win they checked their shoes for any trace of the brown magic paste you might expect to see. Finding none they congratulated each other on a fine 9-0 winning performance.
What a great start, could it continue with Ozzy (James) entrepreneur of Osborne’s bistro and Lanky Sam, Tina and Baz obviously wanted a win to draw level. The game swung back and forth and it was the Jesters who had a slight edge with a 5-6 lead. Ozzy and Lanky took another sup of ale and found they were then trailing 5-7. Our duo bit the bullet obviously washed down with a little of the liquid libation, to win four in a row to pinch the game 9-7, what a game.
Two games to the good and needing one more to cross the winning line. Sparky and Big X (Chris), escape expert extraordinaire after his daring escapade in fleeing from the Ship, completed our line up in the pairs. The Jesters pairing was as equally impressive of Greg and Olwyn ready for the off. They faced each other, eyeing each other up, seeing who would flinch, who would make a move first. Beers gunslingers, guns a blazing filling the opposition with lead, Olwyn Cassidy and Greg Sundance returned fire but is was hopeless and fell by the wayside 9-0, what again!
The triples loomed and could we manage a white wash, it looked unlikely as after a fair start Woody, big X and Meme found that they were 3-8 down to the Jesters. Tony, Roger and Baz were looking supremely confident, but you know what happened last week. Yes you guessed it, in a case of Déjà Vu Beer took six in a row to snatch a 9-8 victory from the jaws of defeat, amazing game!
The Jesters now feeling some what deflated and their Marotte’s (jester’s sticks) now more than a little limp, all depends on the last triple to avoid being crushed and conquered five nil.
Their ploy was to put us off by exposing the garish and very stripy multi colour socks they all wore, what a sight indeed. Now that they had dazed us somewhat the Jesters released what they hoped to be their secret weapon upon us, three of the Sugar Babes Tina, Di and Shirl. Sparky, Lanky and Ozzy were looking slightly over awed at all this famine charm, especially after going 0-3 down in the first end. With all three sweeties from the Allsorts, I mean Jesters; suddenly found they were the ones in the melting pot. The club only lost one more shot on the way to triumphing 9-4 and a clean sweep of games.
The Jesters, boules between their legs headed for the bar and refreshments, Meme put his hostess hat on but couldn’t find the pinny to match but still managed to served the vittles.
The night was really enjoyable not as you might think for the five nil win, but for the good time we had with the Jesters what a great bunch; we look forward to the return match whatever the score.
Next weeks game will see us battle it out with fellow relegates from division one the Royal Clarence. At their sea side residence, we look forward to meeting them again.
The New Man Of Steel – Captain Meme reporting
Before them mayhem and mirth of this weeks report, I would just like to pay tribute to Owd Bob (Bob Ramsden). A stalwart of the team, jack restorer extraordinaire and finishing runner up in the pairs last season, sadly passed away before he could reap the rewards at the presentation night. He will be greatly missed by all in the team!
Another season starts in a new division with new faces, new places with no doubt a few challenges to conjure with.
After missing the first match of the season the Whitbread cup, as half of the team seemed to be on a cruise with the Mary Celeste and having to call upon the reserve reserves we scraped a team together.
Arriving at the Kings Arms and making sure our polar clothing was up to the weather of the evening we headed for the piste.
First to the piste were John and Mike for the Cavaliers and Chris the new man of steel and Meme for the club. With the man of steel and his metallic orbs of wonder, he and Meme took a five nil lead in the first end. Shell shocked and dazed the Cavaliers soon capitulated and found them selves on the wrong end of a 9-1 defeat, one nil up a good start to the match.
It was mixed doubles in the second game with Val and Phil battling it out with the Lady Jane and Lanky Sam for the good guys. Lanky’s mind and spirit still seemed to be in another country, as his body had been so long ago on his expedition to exotic climes. Lady Jane unleashed all her feminine charms, alas to no avail. Sir Lankyelot and his fair lady’s dream of a knight’s tale were over, with a score of 3-9.
The Cavaliers riposte was swift and with Rapiers at the ready was hoping to make it 2-1 in their favour, Sheila and Les entered the arena. We sent in the heavy weight Musketeers in the shape of Big Kim accompanied by that live wire Sparky. Revealing their raw power on the opposition, not always a sight you want to see on an empty stomach.
In a game of dejavu our dynamic duo leaped forth with a barrage of K-POW, ZAP, BIFF and K-ZAM on the Cavaliers as if they were the caped crusaders themselves, ending in a result of 9-3 again but in our favour.
Now back in front Beer’s Big Kim, Man of steel Chris and Meme would try and secure the match against John, Mike and Val.
Our trio of titans, having the alcoholic anabolic maxi muscle infusion used this wild untamed power to decimate their opponents 9-0 crossing the winning line 3-1 at the same time.
Before the last game of the arctic night we pulled another layer of thermals on. Now fully togged up Lady Jane, Lanky Sam and Sparky would conclude proceedings against Sheila, Les and Phil.
It couldn’t have looked much sweeter as our trio held a 7-2 lead but wheels have a habit of falling off wagons, don’t they! 7-2 quickly became 7-7, then 7-8 in the final showdown the Cavaliers wedged their boules in against the jack and steadied themselves for onslaught from Beer. Salvo after salvo we launched hitting the target time and again. Yes we’ve done it, the boule knocked out but joy was short lived as the boule rolled back in the hole. All the wheels had definitely wobbled and fallen off our wagon giving the Cavaliers the game 7-9. The match was still ours and a step in the right direction; you never know where it might lead us?
Next week our first home match against yet another Kings Arms team, the Jesters and more victories to come if were lucky. Why not come and watch the fun or mayhem depending on your point of view, we won’t bite you know we’ve had tea by then.