Beer Social Club - Sam's Boules Reports
Beer Club V Colyton FC - 6th September 2011.
Great Finish to the Season.
On Tuesday 6th September, the boys from Beer met at Beer Social Club for their journey to Colyton to take on the winners of the triples and pairs titles this year. A hard task indeed for our last game of the season but surely one of which our sturdy team are up to. Captain Mimi alias Don Estelle from It Aint Arf Ot Mum in his embarrassing desert uniform with ivory white snooker cues appearing from his khaki long shorts, Sparky Paul, Lanky Sam and a very welcome return of Andy the Fish, now recovered from his bout of illness. Paul was acting as 'white van man' to transport us to Colyton Football Club where we met with Too Accurate Bob and The Smokestack Slimmer. The first game was a mammoth match with Bob and Maurice taking on the pair from Colyton. Colyton took an early lead and maintained that for some time. Maurice was getting his length too long and the boules kept skidding on too far, but Bob was at his accurate best and kept Beer in the hunt. Maurice began to find his length and our pair fought gallantly back to 7-9 and what was to be the final end they found two shots to win the game 9-8. A great start 1-0 to Beer. Next match, once again Mimi selected man in form, Paul to play with him. So well did Paul play that with Mimi completely misjudging the run of the piste, consistently threw his boules too long, Paul kept them in the game and with his carefully selected Damn Buster throws to combat the roll, contrived to win the game 9-7. Thus a great start 2-0 to Beer. The next game brought Andy and Sam together and although their opposition of Rodney, many times winner of national championships and his equally gifted partner, were a team of some strength, they were not up to the fine bouling of Andy and Sam who romped home 9-3. What a wonderful last match Beer were having as they led 3-0.
Now for the triples, were Beer to extend their lead further? The first trio comprised of Maurice, Paul and Mimi. Poor Paul was now labouring under a painful back injury from carrying Mimi through the previous game, and with him not at his best and the lengths of Maurice and Mimi somewhat awry it was understandable that our trio fell by the wayside to lose 1-9. Now 3-1 to Beer as Andy, Bob and Sam came to the piste. The Colyton team now having had their confidence restored and the Beer trio perhaps lack lustre having already the match under their belts, played mediocre boules and soon experienced a 1-9 defeat. Beer then had won an exceptionally important game 3-2. A grand performance from a fine body of men.
Hence the season has now concluded. A good season for Beer in their first season in the premiership, we ended up midway in the division and I have no doubt we will improve further next year. Many thanks to all players. We missed Big Kim for a lot of the season due to work commitments but next year with him on board our results will be even better. Thank you also Kim and Lady Jane for the delicious food at every home game. It will be a sad loss for the Slimmer throughout the close season. A big thank you to all those that provided transport for the season, especially Sparky Paul, the Green Van Man. We hope next season to get Coach Pete and La femme Fatale back into the fold, they were sorely missed this year. Thanks also to Peco Pete who turned up for us at the last moment on two occasions. Also thanks to Prickle our amber nectar dispenser, a stalwart indeed. All those who have given us support have been much appreciated as well. Thank you all. We would also give thanks to our captain, Mimi. He has brought out the best in us as everyone had to work harder to compensate for Mimi's waywardness, next year he will have to be told that winning shots are those nearest the jack not furthest away. His selection policy has been interesting and like many of his decisions has defied all logic. Well done Mimi, we all love you (well you did say this column was not entirely accurate) If any readers of this are tempted to play boules for Beer, please contact anyone at the club, we are always open for new members. At the beginning of next season we will be having a fun evening which constitutes a practice for anyone interested. Finally thanks to Dave Bilko Mutter for ensuring the accuracy of these reports and the fact that it gets on to the web. Well done Dave.
Thank you readers also for reading this column every week even when in Lanky Sam's absence Mimi tried to string a few words together and although lacking in accuracy he at least kept the column active.
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Axe Cliff A V Beer Club - 30th August 2011.
Wonder Boule Saves Beer.
Firstly let me thank Mimi for his attempt at writing the report last week, poor chap, he does his best but inaccuracies are as prevalent as those during his boule playing. Poor Kim, so sad to read about his excretions caused by his sandwich making, enough to put anyone off their stroke. Back to accurate reporting now and the match played on 30th August against Axe Cliff at the picturesque venue of the golf club. Badger Derek, Lanky Sam and Mimi met at the Beer club to await the arrival of Andy the Fish. Try as we could no contact could be made with Andy and even a visit to his house proved to be non productive. Big Kim was not available, possibly due to his excretions from last week and Sparky Paul was on another of his rest breaks in Italy. This meant without Andy's appearance we were a man short. Sam called that ever reliable Peco Pete to see if he would stand in at this late hour. Pete eventually agreed although he had just finished his flag waving and whistle blowing duties at Pecorama. We met The Smokestack Slimmer and Too Accurate Bob and they took to the piste to launch our attack on the Colyford boys. Our gallant boys did not start well and were looking second best in this first contest However at 0-6 they were sticking to it when with Axe holding shot, Pete, their more than generous player threw a boule which dislodged the jack from their holding position to land amongst the Beer boules to give Beer 5 shots. This majestic shot brought Beer back into the game at 5-6.. This spurred on Maurice and Bob but not enough to prevent Axe from winning the next two ends and things were not looking good at 5-8 when Axe with extreme generosity performed the same feat gifting the Beer boys with two shots to bring the score to 7-8. The next end Beer won through their own right and the match stood at 8-8. The last end was hard fought and with their last boule Axe were holding shot with a boule right alongside the jack. Bob stepped up to save this nearly impossible situation but as his boule went on its aerial route, gasps were let out as it landed right next to the jack. Bob had pulled the game out of the bag and Beer were 1-0 up. Well done you two, it just goes to prove the theory 'the game is never over till the fat Smokestack plays' Next to the piste was Mimi and Derek who was severely handicapped by having to play left handed and even further by playing with Mimi. Nevertheless Derek was not to be daunted even with Mimi throwing one boule with complete disregard to the position of the jack and missing by the depth of his pockets, a vast distance indeed. However they were by no means disgraced as they fought to a valiant 5-9 defeat. 1-1 in the match so far. Peco Pete then took to the piste, (a novice, how would he play), along with Lanky Sam. Pete played well in his first outing but the strong Axe pairing were missing little and forged into a 5-0 lead. From this point Pete and Sam played well having the better of the middle section of the match and soon the match stood at 8-8. The combined experience of the Axe pair proved to be just enough to give them the final shot to end the game 9-8 to Axe, they now having a 2-1 lead.
The triples saw Bob, Maurice and Sam playing this important game against the Axe experienced threesome. The Axe boys showed their class as they raced to a 6-1 lead. However in times of crisis Beer get going and some fine bouling saw Beer recover to 6-7, then worryingly Axe extended this to 6-8, were Beer going to capitulate? The next end was a classic with all the boules clustered around the jack with both the Axe boule and the Beer boule touching the jack. Pete from Axe and Beer's Lanky Sam with two boules each, surely this end was going to be a stalemate. Obviously Pete thought so as a tied end would see Axe in a strong position of 8-6. He then threw his boules so as not to disturb the status quo. This left Sam with his last two shots. The first narrowly missed the pack and everyone thought Sam would not risk firing for shot. Sam is made of sterner stuff, his last boule struck perfectly the Axe holding boule, nudging it out and replacing it with his own boule. On closer scrutiny it was seen that in fact Beer had three holding shots and had won the game 9-8, a marvellous result and a wonder boule. The scores now stood at 2-2 with our trio of one armed Derek, novice Pete and Captain Mimi to play the last game. With such a combination there was little chance of victory and so it proved as Axe romped to a 9-1 victory. Beer were beaten by 2-3 but it was no disgrace, there were some very positive performances, well done the whole team. Axe Vale had proved to be really good opposition, a very good bunch that made our visit very enjoyable. Unfortunately, due to problems at the golf club this was probably the last time boules will be played there, but we look forward to meeting Axe Vale next year at their new location, wherever that may be.
As the match finished so late the team did not want to disturb Prickle, our Tuesday steward, from his reverie at the club. Mimi and Derek went to Andy's house to find out if he was alright. He had been taken to hospital the previous day and was kept in overnight. Fortunately he is now home and is recovering, hopefully he will be back with us next week. We wish him all the best.
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Beer Club V Lamb(mutton) - 23rd August 2011.
Victory or Relegation? A Captain Meme special report.
Congratulations to Big Kim, Andy the Fish and Accurate Bob who made it to the quarter finals of the triples last week before losing out to the Ship Castaways, perhaps you can make it that bit further next time.
With the possibility of relegation looming from division one and few points separating the teams this was a must win game.
It had been murky and damp all day the clouds had started gathering over the Club would this be an ill omen we would have too see?
Lanky Sam was away in Ireland best place for him many would say. Not that I’m surprised after his last report hiding from crimes against journalism is suspected it’s a good job the NEWS OF THE WORLD gone otherwise he would have been snapped up to join their ranks just like that!, Accurate Bob was unable to attend due to illness everyone wishes Bob well soon.
First in Andy the Fish who’s the best boules player or that’s what he tells us when he’s had a few accompanied by his partner in crime Derek the badger. Who unveiled his secret weapon? To be unleashed on the unsuspecting Lamb team.
He was going too play left handed instead of his customary right handed because of his ongoing wrist injury.
The boys were in trouble from the start with the lamb taking a 0-4 lead; soon it was 2-6 due to a Carlin moment caused by Badgers secret weapon. Fishy and Badger started to find their range scoring points at their opponents expense. Not only had they caught the Lamb duo but beaten them 9-6 what a fight back 1-0 to the club. Sparky Paul and captain Meme leaped into action with shouts of “Steady on!” and “Don’t over do it at your age” cheeky gits! We’re only, well umm never mind!!! Beer took a slender lead of 1-0 before the Lamb edged in front 1-4. All was going according to plan with Meme knocking out their opponent’s boule and replacing it with his leaving Sparky too slot a few more shoots in. This he proceeded to do, making it two shots then three. Then with a rush of blood to his head disaster. Another Carlin moment of momentous proportions instead of being four shots to the good and almost level we were two shots down 1-6 overall. The duo never recovered from this losing 5-9 the Lamb had levelled the match. Would Smoke stack slimmer and Big Kim regain the lead for the club? They took a good lead of 5-0 before the Lamb scored three in return. Our boys proved just too strong running out 9-6 winners, only one more game for victory required. In the first of the triples Fishy, Badger and his secret weapon as well as Smoke stack were to play. Fishy with his flowing golden locks minus the Cat Weasel he’d been sporting started proceedings. It was a close and hard fought game with both sides taking the lead. Beer came out on top with victory of 9-7 and the match was ours could we make it 4-1. Big Kim who was still exhausted from his excretions of fishing, sandwich making and having to play two games of boules in one night, Sparky our current Lanky Sam impressionist and Meme were playing in the last game of the night; it will soon be sandwich time Maurice! With skill and per Nash that all great players posses that can’t be our trio surely? Beer had won the game 9-3 and the match 4-1. We should now be in a better position to deal with the threat of relegation unlike the Lamb
If things continue as they have for Lamb Mutton they will be relegated to division two. Being friends and opponents for the past few seasons they will be sadly missed.
With everyone returning to the bar for refreshments and more amber nectar. Finding Prickle looking hot and bothered from his labours of dealing with boules and bingo on the same night, never mind prickle you can have a day off tomorrow oh you don’t work Wednesday’s never mind.
Our band of merry men head across the border with mountaineering gear in hand for our fixture with the Axe Cliff team, wish us luck.
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Kings and Queens V Beer Club - 9th August 2011.
Hair Bunch Wavers.
May I first make an amendment to Captain Mimi's attempt at the report last week. Factually indecisive, Mimi took a large leaf from Rupert Murdoch's somewhat corrupt agenda when he omitted to present the full facts of last week's match. It has been brought to my notice that Mimi performed a "first" at boules. Not known for his startling accuracy, Mimi projected one of his boules way out of the piste without disturbing the surface and watched as his flying boule rolled down Berry Hill and landed almost at the Anchor. A tremendous feat Mimi giving a lie to his explanation "it was a good shot until it landed". Mimi has subsequently been spotted lurking outside the Anchor in disguise, sporting a strange pair of khaki shorts with two white sticks projecting from them. An unfortunate disguise as many grockle children had to be stopped whilst screaming in fright as they bolted up Fore Street to escape this spectre.
Back to this week, a strengthened team made their way to Seaton in Sparky's green mobile where they met with Too Accurate Bob and the Smokestack Slimmer who had already arrived at this week's venue, the King's Arms. Andy the Fish paired up for the first game with Big Kim and they started very well with both playing some fine boules. They found themselves 7-5 up after some very close ends. Unfortunately the rub of the green did not go Beer's way as the K and Q's came back to win 9-7. Part of Beer's demise was put down to the breeze that blew up and completely disturbed the coiffure of Andy as the founder member of The Hair Bear Bunch could not cope with his blonde locks flying all over the place. Once again Mimi had chosen the in form Sparky Paul to pair with him in the next game. Mimi managed to land all of his boules within the piste this week and with Paul playing to his usual high standard they soon ran out winners by 9-5. 1-1 the match now stood. The next game featured Bob and Lanky Sam. A fine game it was as the K and Q's took an early lead but this was pulled back by our pair. The game see-sawed back and forth until Bob and Sam led by 8-7. The next end was gripping as Sam with his last boule saw the K and Q's holding three shots. Sam's last boule landed adjacent to the jack which saw them in game holding position. Mark's (K and Q's player) last boule nudged into Sam's boule thus leaving the K and Q's with two shots and therefore the game. So unfortunate from our mighty pair to be edged out at the death.
With K and Q,s leading 2-1 the first triples began with Paul. Kim and the Hair Bunch Kid taking on the K and Q,s. A great game this was too with all players performing at their best. The game could have gone either way but unfortunately the K and Q's edged the game by 9-8. Thus Bob and Sam were joined by Mimi to try and salvage something from this match. Once again this game could have gone either way as the scores stood at 5-5. However slices of good fortune change the run of games and such was the case as the K and Q's edged out the jack with Beer holding to give them four shots and therefore the game 9-5. A very good performance by the Beer team resulted in a 1-4 loss. Not to be deterred, we will play worse than this and still win, the team spirit lives on. All repaired to the bar to demolish the cheese and bread provided by the King's Arms. Unfortunately Mimi had got himself into such a state (was he reverting to his secret supply of whiskey and gay) that Kim volunteered to drive home. Evidence of Mimi's case could be witnessed as whilst attempting to get into the front seat of the Sparkmobile he staggered, lost his bearings and fell out of the van where he lay flailing on the road outside the King's Arms. Such behaviour fortunately is expected in Seaton and Mimi was fortunate that this bout of acrobatics did not attract the attention that he incurred in Beer the previous week whilst in his outlandish disguise.
Apologies to all readers as Lanky Sam has to go to London and Ireland on missions of mercy and Mimi's works of fiction must be endured by you, good readers. Sam will be back to report the true facts in two weeks time.
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Beer Club V Kings Arms A - 2nd August 2011.
Was it E.S.P. or was it S.A.M. - by Captain Meme.
It was a balmy summers evening and the kings Arms A (KA) arrived promptly to take on Beer club. If the match was to be as good as the last time we met, we were in for an excellent match in which Beer was victorious 3-2.
They were greeted by barman extraordinaire Prickle with his rapturous and extravagant welcome of “What will it be” steady prickle don’t go over doing it now.
We were missing two stalwarts of the team Big Kim who was all at sea? Still trying to catch Jaws but no doubt the wind was in the wrong direction or was the sea too wet. Also Lanky Sam who was on a sabbatical break again! Trying to find his marbles he’d lost which may take a very long time. As he can’t put the right name to the right team he also thinks the Harbour A play at Colyford poor chap he really must be in a bad way. No doubt he’ll be fully refreshed and back to his normal self the proverbial pain in the ass.
First to take up the gauntlet were Andy the Fish and Badger Derek who’d been bungee jumping off the wardrobe or some other extreme adrenaline sport. Which he badly injured his wrist so he was playing with a major handicap but there again he always is when he partners Andy the Fish. Despite this the boys raced into a 6-0 lead the KA struck back taking the next two shots. Our boy proved just too strong even with the handicap winning 9-2.
On to the piste strode Sparky Paul such a bright spark and Captain Meme boules player supreme? Point for point in the early stages of the game then the KA pulled ahead 8-4. Sparky and Meme dug deep and fought back too level at 8-8. It was a close last end lady luck favoured the KA and they scored the one point for victory of 8-9 the match levelled at 1-1.
Whether Lanky Sam was with us in spirit (well he’s normally in any type of alcohol he’s not fussy) or we had a case of E.S.P? Sparky started coming out with the sort of comments and bull sh*t we’ve come to expect from Lanky Sam, No doubt Sparky will be feeling himself next week we’ll it’s better than feeling someone else?
Last of the pairs saw Accurate Bob and Smoke stack slimmer Maurice the devourer of sandwiches and anything else that doesn’t move. In a game in which both sides had their chances luck once again was on the KA’s side. They leaped into a 6-4 lead try as they might Bob and Maurice couldn’t make any inroads into their opponents score and they succumbed to a 4-9 defeat.
The match stood at 2-1 to the KA could Badger Fishy and Maurice level the match. They took an early lead of 2-0 before being pegged back level. Then a change of playing order proved disastrous as they lost five points in one end the KA never looked back as they won 2-9 taking the match 3-1.
Accurate, Sparky and Meme had to try and limit the damage and regain some honour. Our trio were unstoppable sweeping aside the KA side 9-0 making the final score 2-3 not bad considering everything.
All return to the bar for some jovial banter, fine ales and for Maurice to get to work on the sandwiches.
Next week we are away at the Kings Arms to play the Kings and Queens wish us luck!
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Harbour B V Beer Club - 26th July 2011.
Lost Marbles cause loss.
On Tuesday the Beer team met at the Social Club to journey to Axmouth to play The Harbour B. This bunch of rejects had shown great insight in taking their team from the Harbour Inn and their extortionate pricing strategy to the Ship Inn, a far more reasonable and very pleasant venue. However Captain Mimi had not passed this information to his fellow players as they headed off to Axmouth. Fortunately Mimi was in the car, driven by Badger Derek so they and the passengers, Andy the Fish and Lanky Sam arrived at the Ship with no mishap. There we met local boys Too Accurate Bob and the Smokestack Slimmer. However the first problem started when Sparky Paul, who was making his own way from a high powered meeting in Seaton, phoned Mimi to say he had arrived at the Harbour and there was no-one there. In fact he was as far from the Ship as most of Mimi's boules. He soon arrived at the correct location and the team was ready.
The first game saw Derek and Andy make a good start on what was a long piste with gravel that accentuated the roll. They took an early lead and were 6-3 up with the Harbour beginning to stage a fight back and looked dangerous. However with The Harbour holding shot and with one boule to play, the last boule proved to be too accurate as it ricocheted into the holding boule, leaving Beer holding three and thus winning the game, !-0 to Beer. Next on were Paul, fresh from his sojourns, partnering Mimi. A difficult game ensued. Paul realised early on that the best way to get the boule to stop was to throw them high. Mimi however continued to play his form of marbles. He insisted that his boules, consistently rolling on vast distances beyond the jack, were "good shots, they just rolled a bit far" Mimi is the master of understatement. However with Paul's tactics working well, Beer were sticking in at 6-7. Then came the climax as exactly the same thing happened as in the first game with the Harbour gifting three shots in the final end whilst holding one. A very sporting team had seen Beer take a 2-0 lead. Bob and Sam took to the piste next and found difficulty finding their length. Consequently they went quickly to 1-6,a huge distance to come back from. Being the players they are they began to fight back to 6-7 with game well and truly on. However the Harbour deserved Lady Fortune smiling on them as they won the next end by two shots and therefore the game 9-6. The score after the pairs 2-1 to Beer.
The triples saw Derek, Bob and Maurice play the first game. Controversially Andy had been rested in spite of his performing very well in the doubles. The game did not go as well for Beer as during the doubles and despite a very hard struggle, the Harbour ran out winners by 9-5. The match now stood at 2-2 as marbling Mimi, Paul and Sam played the final game. The Harbour had now got the bit between their teeth and constantly put their early shots next to the jack. Marbles once again went astray and the gallantry of Paul and Sam proved to be of no avail as a fine Harbour performance saw them through to a deserved 9-4 win. In spite of a very good start to the match Beer had suffered a defeat by 2-3. A most enjoyable evening was had at the Ship with a really fun group of opponents.
The food was excellent, spicy chicken and superb sweet potato chips although this did not lie well on the delicate stomach of Sparky Paul who proceeded to wash this down with large quantities of red wine. We will have to rely more on Captain Mimi's words of wisdom in the future if we are not to throw away a lead we should have built on. Come back Pete the Coach. Many thanks to Derek for providing the transport.
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Beer Club V Harbour A - 19th July 2011.
Harbour Lights eclipsed by Beer.
On Tuesday 19th July, the Beer Club was visited by Colyford team, The Harbour A. They were greeted in the usual welcoming manner by our nectar dispenser, Prickle. It was evident by the squeals of delight from the Harbour team when the cost of a pint was announced, that the pricing structure of the Harbour Inn weighs heavily on their shoulders and that their savings accounts will be boosted by a visit to Beer.
Beer were at full strength this week with Big Kim available for action. Although a little late because of the preparation of the food, it had to be impressed upon Captain Mimi that Kim must play. This was met with the highly meaningful comment from our revered captain " If he is not here we cannot play him". Such philosophical announcements by Mimi leave the team astounded at his wisdom. Our jack maintenance man, Too Accurate Bob had performed a sterling job in reconditioning our jacks to render them a luminous yellow and orange. Perhaps even Mimi's boules will be attracted to such colourful objects.
Our first pair to take to the piste were Badger Derek and the Smokestack Slimmer. They made a fine start and took an early lead with the Harbour pulling back slightly towards the end. However both of our players were in fine form and found their way to a 9-2 win, a fine start with a message sent out to the rest of the team. Next was Sparky Paul, the man currently in form and thus selected by Mimi to be his partner for this match. The game was a very ebb and flow affair with first one team then the other taking the lead. The game stood at 7-8 to the Harbour but the combined force of Paul and Mimi saw this challenge off with fine play and took two shots from the final end to win 9-8. A fine victory for our boys and Beer now 2-0 up. The final game threw Kim and Lanky Sam together, Beer were once again in the lead and could have gone into an unassailable lead as with Beer holding shot, Sam tried with his remaining boule to improve this but the shot was too accurate and pushed the jack towards the Harbour's waiting boule therefore changing from one shot to Beer to one to Harbour. Not undaunted by this (it was recognised that this had been a very good shot with an unfortunate outcome) Both Beer players continued to play well until they saw themselves to a 9-5 victory. 3-0 to Beer.
The first of the triples saw the combination of Andy the Fish, Derek and Maurice. Andy, who had been rested from the pairs played with aplomb as did the other two and soon cut out a 9-1 victory. An amazing 4-0 lead, can we achieve a clean sweep? In the final game Kim, Bob and Sam came to play the Harbour trio. The Harbour first player consistently fired his first boule right up against the jack thereby putting pressure on our players to clear this. Because of this Beer found themselves 1-7 down with things not looking good. However being Beer players they rallied to 6-7 with the game on. However The Harbour just clinched the final end to take a very good game 9-7. Although not a whitewash, a very fine performance by all the Beer players to win the match 4-1.
The Harbour team, spurred on by the comparatively almost give away prices of Prickle's bar, rushed in to partake of his excellent Amber nectar and join Maurice in the demolition of Kim's Food, a delight in itself. Thank you Kim and Jane. Mimi must be congratulated in his selection procedure as his resting of himself paid dividends. No doubt this will prove his prowess on the piste next week.
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Whitford Warriors V Beer Club - 12th July 2011.
Magic final boule wins Beer important match.
On 12th July, the Beer boys met at Beer Social Club ready for travelling to the Kingfisher in Colyton which is the home venue of Whitford Warriors, a team we lost to earlier in the season. Sparky Paul kindly provided his Sparkmobile to transport the team to Colyton. Captain Mimi jumped at the suggestion that he could be transport manager (driver) for the trip as it meant he could drive a big boy's vehicle. He partook of a whisky, bought by Sparky as a token of relief for not having to drive, to steady his nerves, and the boys, Andy the Fish, Badger Derek, Lanky Sam and Sparky himself joined Mimi in the trip to Colyton. Surprisingly we arrived at the Kingfisher, having detoured round most of East Devon, without too many mishaps. Well done Mimi, we made it. We were met by Too Accurate Bob and the Smokestack Slimmer with the Warriors already chafing at the bit already on the piste impatient to beat the "hicks" from Beer. Unfortunately Big Kim was not available as he was out on another boat bumping trip.
The first game showed what we were up against as Andy and Maurice took on the first of the Warrior's pairs. The Kingfisher has two very well kept pistes and they are very long. In the first game the Warrior's made good use of their home draw as they threw their first boule very long. Andy with his first three shots fell well short, Maurice was longer but off target and the Warriors claimed the first end 4-0. Our boys never recovered as they struggled manfully to come to terms with the length but they never had the chance to command the length by having the jack as they lost the first game 0-9. Not the most auspicious start, now Mimi will have to play a captain's role, an experience that has eluded him all season, as he chose the in form Paul to partner him. Paul was in supreme form as he learns the art of his high lobs landing near the jack and not rolling on. Mimi even played his part as both supported each other to ease into a 9-2 win. The match now stands at 1-1. Next on were Bob and Sam, not deterred by the long piste, Sam has been on many a long piste. Our pair started particularly well and went into an early lead. Fine players that the Warriors were, they started to play but they were no match on the day for Bob and Sam and Bob ended the game with two shots enabling Beer to win 9-0. Three very speedy games with the results so far in the favour of Beer by 2 games to 1.
Now the important triples. The Beer team were being led by Derek, Paul and Andy. They played well with Paul reigning in his massive bombers to good effect. However, the Warriors once again made full use of the length of the piste and equalled the match score by winning 9-1. The match was now levelled at 2-2. The final game saw Mimi, Bob and Sam stepping up to play the final game. They made a very good start and soon found themselves in an early lead. Three times Beer could have won the game but their lead was being slowly eroded by the fine play of the Warriors. Beer were playing very well, even Mimi was throwing some reasonable boules, and were in an 8-5 lead. However the Warriors were holding two shots both very close to the jack, when Sam played the last boule of the end. It looked as if Beer's lead was going to be pulled back to 8-7 with the tails of the Warriors up. However Sam came to play his "magic" boule which found its way around one of Warrior's boules and nudging the other away from the jack to win the shot and therefore the game 9-5. Beer had won yet another important match 3-2, well done to the whole team.
The Smokestack Slimmer beat his way to the bar and the sandwiches which he plunged into with great relish, a very tasty spread. Thank you Kingfisher. It must have been a strangely adept day for Mimi as he drove us all back to the warm welcome of Uncle Prickle at the Beer Club. Strangely Andy did not come back to the club for some well earned refreshment, a pity as he would have witnessed Mimi buying his first round of the year. Wonders will never cease, thank you Mimi, perhaps the first of many. Next week the team will be boosted by Big Kim being available and hopefully Coach Pete can come to give some of his inspiring words. A home game, please come and support your team.
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Beer Club V Golden Hind - 5th July 2011.
Captain Mimi's Rousing Words Encourage Beer To Great Things.
On Tuesday 5th July, Beer were facing their sternest test yet. The Golden Hind were runaway leaders at the top of the first division and had not yet lost a match. Further, in our first match on 5th April, the Golden Hind had beaten the Beer team 5-0. It was therefore a David v Goliath rematch. However the Beer team met at the club in good heart with Too Accurate Bob having returned from his summer break looking fit and healthy and ready to go. Then came Mimi's finest hour (well minute anyway) as he gave his wonderfully orchestrated motivational words straight out of the Alex Ferguson coaching manual. Rousing himself to his huge width he declared to the assembled team "We must try and win this game today" Tears were in all eyes at these sterling words, no one had given that a thought before. Perhaps with his declining form there is a future for Mimi as a coach to some needy team.
Boosted by these words Badger Derek paired with the Smokestack Slimmer and they soon found themselves in an early lead with some of their finest bouling of the season. Try as they may, The Golden Hind could not match the fine form of our pair as they raced to a 9-3 win. 1-0 to Beer, a fine start. Next up Mimi was paired with the in form Sparky Paul, time to see if the captain's words would boost their performance. Paul was in fine form as the game commenced and he almost single handedly saw his team to an early lead. The G H fought back for two ends and then even Mimi started to play reasonably well and gave some support to Paul who was in magnificent form. Eventually Beer triumphed by 9-5, a great result as Beer were now 2-0 up. Then Andy the Fish teamed up with Lanky Sam for the final pairs. Both players played reasonably well but falling short of the form they needed to beat this fine G H team. Our boys did not have the rub of the green and they eventually succumbed to G H as they lost 3-9. 2-1 now to Beer with the triples to play.
The first trio to step up to the mark comprised of Maurice the Smokestack, Paul and Bob, a fine body of men. All three played particularly well against some firm opposition The score was to-ing and fro-ing as in what proved to be the final end, with Beer holding shot, a fine boule was thrown by the G H which gained them two shots and therefore the game 9-7. The G H were now back to 2-2 and were desperately striving to retain their 100% record. Big Kim was in a meeting unfortunately which meant that Sam and Derek had to be joined by the out of touch Mimi. The game was one of the best of the evening, even Mimi playing his part by occasionally getting one of his boules in the region of the jack. With our captain's pre match words ringing in our ears, Sam and Derek played particularly well and after a gruelling contest, Beer won 9-7. What a result, G H's record being broken after nine successful matches and Beer steadily maintaining their grip in the middle regions of the table. We are ever grateful To Mimi's words as we will follow his futuristic ideas and try to win next week against Whitford Warriors. A happy bend made their way to Prickle's welcome and his nectar of the gods, the heights of which the team felt after this victory. The Smokestack Slimmer was in fine form as he devoured vast quantities of Kim's wonderful spread, thank you Kim and Lady Jane.
Latest news is that Mimi is working on his new coaching tip. Apparently it is along the lines of "Don't forget to let go of the boule when you throw it" Amazing insight, is there no end to the instructive advice of this man!
Next week the team are travelling to The Kingfisher at Colyton to play the Whitford Warriors. We wish them further success.
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Beer Club V Colyton FC - 21st June 2011.
Mimi's Leadership Plummets.
On Tuesday 21st June, the Beer boules team assembled at Beer club to play the re-arranged fixture against Colyton F C. It was originally meant to be played at Colyton but someone had stolen their piste. Inconceivable what vandals can get up to these days. We welcomed back Too Accurate Bob from his holiday in exotic regions and he looked tanned and relaxed. Badger Derek was teamed with Andy the Fish for the first bout of the evening. Our two boys started well but Colyton pulled back to lead 4-2, our boys still looking good. However in the next end, Colyton were holding with one boule to play. This happened to be a magic boule as it changed Colyton's one shot to five thus giving Colyton the game by 9-2. Our boys looking on in disbelief as they were not playing badly and the Colyton team ware also amazed at the turn of events. However our leader Captain Mimi was on next, surely he cannot be as ineffective as last week, perhaps he will come good tonight, were the thoughts going round the Beer team. How wrong we were. Poor Sparky had to bear the brunt of Mimi's terrible form as he continuously fought to save the game after Mimi had projected his boules to all parts of the piste, but unfortunately nowhere in the vicinity of the jack. Heroic as Paul was he could not single handedly prevent defeat as Colyton went on to win 9-5. A poor start as Colyton now 2-0 up. In the next game Bob and Lanky Sam were selected to play together, something they had not done for some time when they had resounding successes as a pair. Not this time however as the Colyton team blitzed their way to 4-0 but Bob and Sam looked like they had found their feet and were mounting a fight back. However this came to an end with another amazing "magic" boule from Colyton. All boules were clustered round the jack and it was tight as to whether Beer or Colyton would win the end. Rodney, Colyton's star player threw his last ball which landed in the pack scattering all boules and when the umpire inspected the pack discovered that somehow Colyton were holding five shots which gave them the game 9-0. A feeling of incredulity seeped through all players as Beer realised that by some strange mystical force we were 0-3 down.
Surely we can pick up on the triples. Mimi had elected to play with Andy and Derek, the stars of the first few games. However when joined with Mimi their chances of success were severely diminished. And so it proved to be. Some glorious bouling saw our team fight back to 8-8 and the final end was in progress. Unfortunately the rub of the green went once again in favour of Colyton as they took the last shot to win 9-8. A splendid but unfortunate game for our lads. Only one to play and Beer trailing 0-4. Paul, Maurice and Sam were to rescue something from this catastrophe. Sadly it was not to be as our boys struggled manfully but without the fortune to pull off a win as we lost to a rather flattering score to Colyton of 3-9. An extremely disappointing result for our boys as they had not played badly bur Lady Luck had deserted us on the day. Not downhearted, the team placed themselves in Prickle's good hands for the distribution of the Amber Nectar and some of Kim's delicious repast. Next week Mimi is playing in the next round of the single's cup. We wish him all the best and hope his individualism will far excel his dire team performances. Good luck Mimi.
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Beer Club V Axe Vale - 14th June 2011.
The Badger Bungles as Mimi Zero's out.
On Tuesday we had a hard task to face, Axe Vale are second in the league and the team realised they had to raise their game to gain a good result. Six doughty men from Beer and one from Colyford gathered at Beer club, sadly missing Too Accurate Bob and still with our mighty coach Pete and the delectable Femme Fatale remaining in semi retirement. In the light of his fine individual performance in the singles last week, Captain Mimi, not surprisingly selected himself to play but for reasons known only to such an esteemed captain, dropped Big Kim, one of our more experienced and better players.
The first match featured Andy the Fish, surely the most improved player of the season so far, and Badger Derek, a man of many whiles. It was, as expected, a tightly fought contest with Andy playing exceptionally well, ably supported by Derek. After much to-ing and fro-ing on the scoreboard our pair ended with a thoroughly deserved win 9-7. A fine start by Beer. The next match was open for a huge inroad into the Axe team as Captain Mimi partnered The Smokestack Slimmer for the second game. Maurice played particularly well but Mimi showed his team capabilities by repeatedly missing the jack by not inconsiderable distances. An interesting interlude occurred as umpire for the end, Derek, decided after the first eight shots, having measured the boules to ascertain Axe were holding, then proceeded to throw back the boules to the amazement of all assembled. The end had to be declared a no end and the game had to be resumed. A senior moment for the Badger. Poor Maurice became increasingly frustrated with the merry banter of the Axe team and Mimi's lack of his individual form, and eventually not being able to take on the skilful Axe pair on his own, Maurice and Mimi succumbed by 5 shots to the Axe 9. 1-1 as Sparky Paul and Lanky Sam came together for the last of the pairs. A hard fought game this was too. Sparky was in the form of his career tossing his boules high into the air and landing constantly adjacent to the jack. Sam also had to play well against the Axe pair who had not lost a game this season. A great result as Paul and Sam strode to a magnificent 9-5 victory. 2-1 to Beer as the triples got on their way.
First to the piste was the team of Andy, Derek and Mimi, who had still not dropped himself for this match in spite of his abject form in the first match. Andy and Derek struggled manfully but they could not compete with the three very fine Axe players and they were eventually overwhelmed by 3-9. The match now level as Maurice, by now puffing vast amounts of smoke all over the piste, was joined by Sparky Paul and Lanky Sam. All three players played out of their skins and very soon a very good Axe triplet had suffered an ignominious defeat 9-0. A most enjoyable game was concluded with Beer announcing their arrival on the first division by a wonderful 3-2 victory over one of the high flying teams of the division. An indication of our performance was that everyone had won a game apart from our illustrious captain who could not replicate his form whilst playing for himself with the higher skills and application of teamwork. We all love you Mimi, just get in some practice and sort out selection.
Both teams repaired to the bar to be well serviced by Prickle, the boules liquid provider, and to delight in Kim's sumptuous spread, thank you again Kim and Lady Jane. The Axe team were great opponents, we all enjoyed hosting them and look forward to the return match at Axmouth golf club. The next match is on Tuesday 21 June away to Colyton F C, it would be good to see anyone there to support or who has thoughts of joining the merry bunch. We will be pleased to see you.
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Beer Club V Kings and Queens - 8th June 2011.
Friends and Foes
Tonight’s game against the Kings and Queens is rearranged from the 24th of May. Many of them we know socially and have played together in the past but tonight they are foe.
Lanky Sam must be losing his marbles journalistic ones or maybe all of them who can tell with him. He can’t get the facts right when reporting on the team selection and games but there again that’s nothing new, that’s when he can remember to turn up!!! Perhaps he should take more water with it? No wonder he’s run away to the big smoke or was there another reason?
Andy the Fish and Derek were hoping to recapture their form from earlier in the season and when they went 5-0 ahead it looked as though they had, sadly that was the last points they scored as they lost 5-9.
In a game in which captain would take on captain, Meme and Smoke stack slimmer aimed to level the scores.
The game was close and hard fought with the kings and Queens just having the edge until the score reached 6-8. On the brink of defeat Smoke stack slotted in one shot which they could not better and Meme gained the two shots to seal the win 9-8 and level the match.
Peco Pete had bravely stepped in at the last minute due to Sparky’s comedy of errors when seeing Peter Kay. Peco Pete had not played since last year a tough challenge lay in prospect his partner was Big Kim. They put up a valiant fight but it was not to be as there opponents were just to strong losing 0-9, the reverse this week for Big Kim as he’d won 9-0 the match previously 1-2 down.
Fishy, Badger and Smoke Stack must win the next game to avoid defeat. The game swung like a clocks pendulum with the lead changing hands several times. Before our trio got themselves a position to strike this they did securing the win 9-6 and levelling the scores once again.
Again the result would be three two but to whom Big Kim, Peco Pete and Meme took to the piste for the final game. It was not going our way with the Kings and Queens just having the run of play with the scores standing at 2-8 we were holding one shoot. After some discussion it was decided we should go for broke Meme accepted the task in hand and with his last shot just clipped his opponent’s boule gifting them the shot they needed for the game at 2-9 and match at 2-3.
We returned to the bar for some of Kim’s lovely sandwiches which went down a treat didn’t they Smoke Stack, Fishy was looking to fill his lunch box for tomorrow. For someone with a name like that he took an ad version to the tuna sandwiches strange!
Next week we are at home to the Axe cliff golf club were a warm welcome will await them, lets hope lady luck is on our side this time.
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Singles Night at the Kings Arms - 7th June 2011.
Captain Meme Reporting
Only a couple of team members made it to support the proceedings due to one reason or another. One was Lanky Sam scribe and part time pain in the b*m and the other was Sparky Paul the wiring wizard. It was a bitterly cold night for the time of year even Sam’s jaw and tongue muscles were struggling to move at warp speed as per usual, before long with the aid of some T’OTHER he was back to warp speed nine.
Meme had taken up the gauntlet as he did last year of entering for the club. He was too play in one of the last games of the first round. I was only hoping that all of my assets including my hands weren’t going to be frozen by then.
Meme’s first round opponent was from the Harbour Fourplay team. After some early exchanges of shots Meme took an early lead of 3-2 building on that he increased his lead to 5-2 then 8-2. Things were looking very good but like the TITANIC, he started to get that sinking feeling and before long 8-2 became 8-4 shortly followed by 8-6. Meme was looking as if he was going to scuttle himself or would he sail past the iceberg of boules to victory time would tell.
The harbour were holding two shoots and only needed one more for the win as he threw his last boule he caused the jack to ricochet giving Meme the one shoot and victory of 9-6 but a bit of a close shave.
Meme’s next round opponent was from the kings and queens this time we were the last to play that evening.
It was now dark and colder if anything and epic battle ensued. With both sides taking the lead only for them to be pegged back level. This continued with both players probing for weaknesses waiting for there chance to seize victory. With Meme leading 8-7 the chance arose Meme’s first shot landed right behind the jack, with a valiant effort the Kings and Queens player could not wrestle the jack from Meme’s grip and victory was his at 9-7 and what a victory it was!
Sparky had to leave early so Sam and meme retired to the club for a celebratory drink.
Meme takes up the challenge again later this month in the quarter finals at the Harbour Inn.
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Lamb (Axminster) V Beer Club 31st May 2011.
Mimi's selection policy flawed
Seven intrepid men gathered at the Lamb to embark on the next assault of the 1st. division. Some discussion took place amongst the experienced members of the team and it was commonly thought that Captain Mimi, due to his momentous 0-9 defeat in the cup match last week that caused the ejection of Beer from the Whitbread cup, would be rested from the doubles so he could get his head straightened out as he watched his heroic compatriots play the game as it should be played. All were astounded as our captain decided to play himself and dispense with the skill of Sparky Paul. Lanky Sam showed his disapproval of this executive decision by offering to stand down for the doubles. Even this did not sway Mimi and he insisted on playing instead of Sam. A selection committee would solve these problems.
The first game saw Andy the Fish combine with Too Accurate Bob in the first game. Both played well but falling short of their best, they were still strong enough to defeat the Lamb 9-7. A good start, Beer first on the scoreboard. Next to the piste stepped Badger Derek and the Smokestack Slimmer. Once again some good boules were played by both of these stalwarts and they were unfortunate to go down 7-9, the match now tied. The controversial pairing now stepped up to the mark. Sparky Paul belied the notion to rest him as he bouled magnificently and with Mimi supporting, our pair beat the youthful Lamb pair 9-4. The lead now 2-1 to Beer.
The triples began with Maurice, Bob and Paul first of our trio. All played with consistency but without the flair we expect of these merry men. However their skills were sufficient to triumph as they won 9-7. The score now 3-1 to Beer with one to play. Surely this is the time Mimi steps down, but no, even after his first game of mediocrity, he decided to rest Andy, a star player this season. Therefore Derek, Sam and Mimi took to the piste for the final game. Sam, obviously feeling perplexed over Mimi's decisions played with exceptional ability to prove Mimi's selection rather shaky. Sam held the team together and despite some sound play from the Lambs, succeeded in winning 9-7, a fine victory. Beer had therefore won the match 4-1 a creditable result.
All repaired to the bar where the Slimmer attacked the repast with gusto and the boys celebrated with traditional vigour. A fine victory, especially as Big Kim, our giant of a player was missing. The coaching services of Pete the Coach and the glamour of the Femme Fatale are also sorely missed and we all hope for a speedy return.
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Golden Hind B V Beer Club 11th May 2011.
Champions vs Champions
One of the furthest away games of the season after some rearranging of the car we managed to squeeze big Kim in but only just! Upon arriving at the GOLDEN HIND HQ where we were greeted by that familiar smell we all know and love?
Whether Smoke stack was taking bribes or receiving coaching tips I don’t know but for some reason he was helping the GHB with their coats and equipment too the piste we’ll have to keep an eye on him.
Lanky Sam was still away so at least it would be a lot quieter tonight.
In a clash of the titans division two champion’s Beer club would take on division one champion’s the Golden hind.(GHB).
The saying goes “ fall from your horse, you get straight back on” why they’ve brought a horse I don’t know? With that after yesterday’s defeats Fishy and badger were paired together and put back on the horse so to speak. The pair struck out and took an early lead of 2-1 before long a tickle of shots from the opposition turned into a flood and they had lost 2-9, their undefeated streak has been well and truly broken. Sparky and Meme paired up again in the longest game of the evening. In a close fought tussle they took a 4-1 lead before pegged back to 4-4 soon it was 5-5. As the game continued the run of play favoured the GHB just piping us each time. It wasn’t long before the score became 5-9 sadly we were two nil down and had to win the next game to avoid defeat.
Could Big Kim and Smoke stack save the day, with a cracking start and super play they had a score of 6-3. Partly due to some great team work of Kim hitting and trailing the jack into the open and holding one Maurice slotted in three lovely shots to gain four. The GHB’s fight back ensued and before long it was 6-6 the opposition proved to be strong once again and 6-6 soon became 6-9. We had been beaten but not down and had a chance to limit the damage. Maurice, Accurate Bob and badger took up the challenge taking first blood to go 1-0. Revenge is sweet and the GHB returned the favour to level at 1-1, our trio took only one more point before the GHB powered ahead to reach 2-9. Things were looking grim and a white wash was staring us in the face. Fishy, Meme and Sparky wearing flip flops and shorts trying to advance summer either that or no sense no feeling as there appeared to be icicles on his toes. Big Kim declined to play as he didn’t like the size of the gravel or was it colour? So he and badger deserted us and disappeared to the bar to drown their sorrows. The last game of the night was hard fought by both sides with close finishes. Like lambs to the slaughter we fell by the wayside losing 3-9 as we resigned ourselves to the white wash. The game was a lot closer than it appeared on paper even the GHB expressed the same feeling.
We all returned to the bar for some divine pâté with French bread and a good laugh concerning Big Kim and his pyrotechnics with his beach hut! But that’s another story. After an exchange of txt messages concerning the match score the quote of the day if not the year was produced, “It’s a good job Sam’s not here we would have lost 0-6 instead of 0-5” good one Bob. After some more cheap ales NOT! We headed home to Beer. Thanks to Derek for chauffeuring us all about.
Next week as we have no match due to the fact the pairs are being played at the Axe cliff golf club.
Our next match is on the 24th of May against the Kings and Queens at home.
A Note from Lanky Sam
A pal of mine from the King's Arms phoned me to ask who our captain was. Apparently in his first game with Sparky Paul, he did not get one shot until Sparky knocked the jack onto his wayward boule thus securing his one and only shot. Sparky, in immense form, took up the mighty challenge and against all odds won the game almost single handedly. Our captain was persuaded to relinquish his place in the trebles as Too Accurate Bob came into the picture. The team then went on to win the last game after being 1-8 down in the final end, Well done Smokestack, Big Kim and Sparky. The boys eventually won the match 3-2, a fine performance. Don't worry Mimi, I did not divulge your name and your reputation stays intact. Apparently the advice given to Mimi for the match the next day was not heeded, he did not take up the suggestion of some pre-match practice and manfully led his team to a 0-5 defeat, the first Beer have ever suffered. The whole team wish him the very best in his recuperation.
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Kings Arms A V Beer Club 10th May 2011.
Badger’s magic finger
Now the visas have cleared we can travel to Seaton visiting the KINGS ARMS ( KA’s). Minus Lanky Sam as he was still on holiday now in this country, but only just as customs had difficulty deciding on whether to let him in as animal, mineral or vegetable? Sparky Paul provided the transport and big Kim drove thanks to both.
Upon arrival we pit stopped at the bar for liquid refreshment to be greeted by Smoke stack moments later. Saying we nearly sent for search and rescue, lucky he didn’t offer to give us the kiss of life.
It was a lovely evening a bit windy that was due to the beans and leeks I had earlier.
The undefeated pairing of Badger the Saucers’ apprentice and Fishy the wizard at making Guinness disappear took to the piste. Play got under way and in an early skirmish Badger’s magic finger came to KA’s rescue. He said “I think this boule is closer” as he touched their boule it rolled closer to the jack putting the matter beyond doubt much to the amusement of the crowd and giving the opposition the point. Despite this the boys were holding their own lucky that’s all they were holding. At 6-3 Badger preformed some more magic by ricocheting off the KA’s boules and moving the jack. Scoring three shots not for us but for the opposition bring the scores level at 6-6 lets hope he doesn’t practice magic anymore tonight. Full of confidence the KA’s made a concerted push and soon gained the three points for victory winning 6-9 and leading by one game to nil. Sparky the taxi entrepreneur and Captain Meme who is adored by his team that’s when their not taking the p*ss out of him were in next. The boys had a cunning strategy Meme would strategically place his boules and Sparky or the opposition would knock the jack towards them! It was working as they went 2-0 then 4-2 extending to 8-5 ahead. As the KA’s started their own fight back pulling one shot followed by two drawing the scores at 8-8. A final end would decide the winner luckily Sparky’s and Meme plan had worked they had won 9-8. Smoke stack and Big Kim the final pairing to play started with the honours being shared then Beer started to pull away to 5-2. The KA’s struck back taking two but it was not enough as our duo powered ahead to win 9-4, Beer now lead 2-1 overall. Fishy, badger and Accurate bob, the tremendous three raced into a 5-0 lead. Bob was producing some brilliant shots, so he checked his shoes for something brown and sticky? The next two ends both teams scored two shots each then disaster the KA’s pulled five shots to level the game at 7-7. It became even worse as the away team scored the two shots they needed to win; the club had lost from 7-2 up.
Yet another match where both teams were deadlocked with one game left to decide the outcome of the match.
It was a terrible start with Big Kim, Sparky and Smoke stack slimmer going 0-5 then 1-8 down all looked lost. In an epic battle in which they gave their all, taking two ends of three points and one of two to win a memorable 9-8 win. After a victory like that anything can be forgiven even graffiti on the captains book KIM!
Tomorrow we play the rearranged match against the Golden hind.
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Beer Club V Ship Castaways 3rd May 2011.
3-2 The Score again!
Lanky Sam has had to dash off in a hurry for another break, maybe the pressure of playing and writing reports is to much for him who knows maybe we’ll never know.
A 3-2 score line for a third week in a row which way did it swing in our favour or our opponents? Read on and find out if you can stand the excitement, ha ha!
The weather stayed fine though a little chilly and just a hint of sun shinning through. Our opponents this week hold first place in division one so a tough game in prospect.
First to play were Andy the fish I don’t need any practice and Badger the demand skittles player. Let’s hope he plays with his balls or should I say boules just as expertly. Fishy with his golden flowing locks started proceedings and immediately went into the lead until the Ship threw and then he was second. The Castaways held on and extended their points total to lead 2-0. Things went from bad to worse Badger was becoming erratic
throwing googlies and haymakers as opposed to the accurate boules of the past few weeks. The boys were trailing 1-5 by now and things were not looking good for them. When the going gets tough the tough get going and soon they were back on level terms at 5-5; game on! They pulled two shots clear in the next end and then an even bigger lead of 8-5. The Ship started clawing their way back into the game eating away the lead of the opposition to draw level at eight all. The last end was an important one with both teams only needing one point, it was a close run thing with Beer just managing to hold off the ship and gain the victory we needed 1-0 to the club.
In next was Accurate Bob back early from his holiday or was it his good looking twin brother? Accompanying him was Meme, captain and part time reporting journalist. The game was more of a disaster than a triumph with neither player finding their range. Bang on target one minute and all over the place the next. Among the crowd of those watching were several hecklers with some jovial banter. A small minority were a bit over zealous with theirs, who will remain nameless won’t they SAM! In the conclusion of our game we suffered a 1-9 defeat, the Castaways had had drawn the match at 1-1.
In the final pairing of Maurice with his patented gnat dispersal system in full operation, and his partner Lanky Sam sometimes known as a real asset but quiet often a pain in the b*m. It was a good start for the duo with them taking a 3-1 lead with some excellent shots but before long it was 3-3. Things became worse as they haemorrhaged shots like someone mortally wounded. Holding two shots Sam with some panache flicked the jack right in front of his opponent’s boules giving away several shots. With the score standing at 3-8 soon the inevitable happened as they lost 3-9 the Ship now had a slender lead.
Now in the later stages of the match the triples commenced with Fishy, Badger and Sparky Paul. Due to atmospheric conditions Sparky’s ignition system was slightly damp causing him to misfire which forced retirement from him; Big Kim came to the rescue. Meme left momentarily for some liquid refreshment returning to hear shouts from Kim saying look at that for the first boule of the season. The boule sat adjacent to the jack nestled in the gravel, next came a selection of shots that were anything but close. Beers trio started to hit the mark even Kim going into a 2-0 lead then stretching it to 4-1. A tussle ensued with each team holding shot before being wrestled away by their opponents. Fortunately Beer proved to be more adapt at this going 6-1 and then 8-2 in front. It was the final end as Fishy, Badger and Kim proved to be just too strong and took the one point they needed to win 9-2. The match stood all square at 2-2 with all to play for could beer snatch victory we’ll we were going to give it our all.
In the last game of the night Smoke stack with his bonfire blazing away, Lanky Sam who suddenly developed writer’s cramp or that’s what it sounded like. Asked me too write the report as he would not have time before his departure tomorrow, as well as Captain Meme who wished he’d worn something with long sleeves to stop his assets from freezing, his hand not his orbs of destiny the boules.
Battle commenced between both teams Beer made the best start taking an early lead of 3-0. The Ship struck back immediately pulling two shots then a further four to go into a 6-3 lead. We fought our way back with some fine play of our own to level the scores at 6-6. In the next two ends the honours were shared with both teams taking a point.
Pete the coach was absent so there were no cries of his famous catch phrase “Get your boules closer than theirs” to cheer us on at this vital moment.
On with the game and in the following end shots were raining in on the jack and we were holding shot and only needed one more for victory in the game and match. Sam was the only player on our side with boules left too play and decided to go for broke. He played his shots and with his last, disaster he knocked the jack into the open and towards the ships boules. The Ship saw their chance and grab it with booth hands firing two shots in, with which they reached the finishing line of 7-9. Not only had they won the game but the match as well.
It was a huge disappointment to lose again but there’s a silver lining we have two matches next week. Away playing the Kings Arms A plus a rearranged match against the Golden Hind B so two chances to win.
We all returned to the club for some more liquid libation and refreshments in the form of some sandwiches and very nice they were too!
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Harbour A v Beer Club 19th April 2011.
Lanky Sam is Back.
Before I get back to the real report let me say how much I owe a debt of gratitude to Captain Mimi for writing his report for last week, a masterpiece in the art of fiction. Your so called inebriated reporter was absent due to the fact that he took his ancient mother to a 60th. wedding anniversary, the occasion being full of more fossils than Charmouth beach. A reason for inebriation, yes, opportunity, no. A stickler for facts Mimi can be applauded for getting one correct fact last week and that was the score. The boys lost 2-3 but being without many star players they remain confident.
On Tuesday the team met at the club ready for their contest with the Harbour. They were met with the news by Captain Mimi that we were one short for this important match. Poor Mimi had had only one week to gather his team together but obviously bowed down by the onerous task of compiling the report he had omitted to ensure he had a full team. After numerous phone calls the intrepid warrior Sparky Paul came to the rescue and rushed back across country to meet later, ensuring we had our six players.
Mimi was chauffeur for the night (is there no end to his multi tasking talents) and Andy the Fish and Lanky Sam joined him in the journey to Colyford. At the Harbour we met Too Accurate Bob and the Smokestack slimmer who had already started their game as Mimi’s ultra cautious driving had caused us to be somewhat late. The team looked resplendent in their new shirts, a sight to behold. Unfortunately Maurice and Bob, no doubt concerned by the non appearance of Mimi and the crew and having to use borrowed boules were three down from the first end. They then began an heroic recovery and fought back to 5-5 with some wonderfully accurate bouling. This recovery graduated to fully fledged heroism as our mighty pair won the next end with four shots thus winning 9-5. Beer has had the start they wanted.
Andy the Fish, star of last week was on next paired with Mimi who selflessly selects the in form players as his partner for the week. Andy once again played a starring role and with Mimi supporting by getting one of his boules near the jack, the pair went on to win 9-5. The match now stood at 2-0 to Beer as Sparky Paul arrived breathless after his heroic exertions in getting to the Harbour at such short notice. He performed bravely and with Lanky Sam playing with great accuracy they went on to a near victory only to be pipped to the post on the final end to lose bravely 6-9. A slight recovery by the Harbour as the scores stood at 2-1 to Beer.
The first of the triples saw Mimi, Smokestack and Andy stepping up to the piste. they started well taking an early lead. Quote of the week by Meme when one of his boules went skidding past the jack disappearing into oblivion “That was a good boule ---until it hit the ground" Dream on Meme. However the trio played well and continued to a fine 9-4 win. Beer now 3-1 up. Bob, who was suffering from a painful injury bravely took the piste with Sparky Paul, still suffering from his dash of mercy to save the team, and Lanky Sam. Not surprisingly, despite some very good play, our trio found themselves 7-3 down. Never daunted the boys fought back to 7-7. Our boys played magnificently during the next end and were holding five shots with the Harbour only two to play. Their next ball went careering into the air and landed smack onto the jack propelling the jack across the piste to where they had two of their wayward boules in waiting, thus promoting them to winners. Victory had been snatched from our brave boys as the Harbour, with relief showing over their faces, had won the end 9-7. The final result was a fine 3-2 victory to Beer.
It had been a fine match, played in good spirit against a very welcoming Harbour team. We would also like to thank them for the delicious sandwiches and for their hospitality. The team made their way back to the Beer club, somewhat poorer from the purchase of liquid refreshment at exorbitant prices, to the welcoming attention of Prickle, our friendly barman, who distributed the amber nectar with gusto and at reasonable prices. Thank you Mimi for driving, you performed that duty so well we think the job is yours for all away matches. There is no match next week as we have a bye in the first round of the cup.
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Beer Club v Whitford Warriors 5th April 2011.
Captain Meme Reports: A tight First Match.
The 2011 season unfolds with new challenges now we are in the top flight of boules, lets hope the success of previous years continues.
After last week where circumstances and illness forced a postponement against the Golden hind B our first game of the season was against the Whitford Warriors.
Several players were absent with Big Kim strutting his stuff at a party, lanky Sam getting slightly inebriated as usual at an anniversary and the femme fatal was conspicuous by her absence.
First into bat so to speak were Badger and Andy the fish, they started well racing into a 5-0 lead. The opposition were struggling somewhat to find their range. All credit to the boys they went on to win 9-0.
Smoke stack slimmer and Accurate Bob took to the gravel for the longest match of the night and an epic battle it was. Swinging one way then the other each end tightly contested. Unfortunately our lads succumb to a last half push by Whiford and went down 4-9 one a piece for the teams. Captain Meme and Sparky took up the mantle of trying to put the team back in front. We took an early lead of 2-1 Whitford struck back going 5-2 ahead Sparky and Meme pulled level. No matter how well we played the Whitford boys just had the edge and ran out 9-5 winners 2-1 to whitford.
Back into action were Badger, Andy the fish and smoke stack could they pull us level of course they can. With some fine shots out playing their opponents they went on to win 9-1 drawing the match all square.
In the last game of the night Meme, Sparky and Bob took on the might of the warriors trio. We edged in front 1-0 then 2-1 before Whitford levelled at 2-2. We held shot in virtually every end only to have it stolen from us on each occasion, luck was not on our side and unfortunately victory was theirs 2-9 taking the match 3-2 congratulations to Whitford.
Not the start to the season we had looked for lets hope we have better luck next week away against the Harbour A. So don’t forget to get that bank loan before you go for your refreshments. Maybe we will see you there; if not wish us luck.
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