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Beer Social Club - Meme's Boules Reports

Singles & Pairs K.O. Competition - 14th June 2016.

“Oh what a night” – Captain Meme reporting
At one stage it looked as though everything would be called off due to the excessive weather conditions during the course of the day, particularly as it seemed to be raining very large cats and dogs for most of it. It was almost on the biblical flood proportions on several occasions.
Lynne was representing the Club at the Kings arms in the singles and her opposition was from the Royal Clarence A, a tough first round. She was quickly into her stride and battling it out. Poised at 5-6 in her opponents favour she was still in contention and holding shot. One more shot later and the jack was moved and 5-6 became 5-9 and that was that as they say.
In the pairs at Beer club it was known as the group of death with the reining chaps and several topflight teams in the group. First round of the night saw a David and Goliath contest between Colyton FC (reining champs) and their third division challengers.  What a battle ensued, it was all going to plan for the champs when the wheels started to fall off their wagon. With fine play still being produced on both sides it was the Clarence that stole the show and edged the game causing a big upset. You could say “it really wasn’t their night” as on the way over to the club Colyton’s pairing had their back window smashed by a stone flung up by a passing car, definitely not their night!
Now to our game against the Kings arms A. Pete the super sub stepped in to replace Lanky Sam who suddenly got a case of cold feet and couldn’t make it.
Not a good start when you go 6-0 down in two ends but Beer finally got their fingers out of their proverbial butts. Pulling back to 5-6 things were looking up but the Kings Arms pairings new tactic was to maim the opposition, namely me, trapping my finger between two boules. Slightly dented and throbbing, Pete and I soldiered on only to see them edge closer towards the finish line. With a determined effort we launched ourselves in the direction of the finish line. In a big dollop of déjà vu we where holding shot only to see Pierre spring the jack and claim the points needed for victory.
The kings Arms A duo took their place in the quarter finals against Axe cliff B.
In a close fought final game of the evening at Beer it was Axe cliff who narrowly took the honours and their place in the semi-finals at the Kingfisher.

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Beer Club V Gerrard Arms - 7th June 2016.

See saw, See saw – captain Meme reporting
For the first time this season we were not freezing our butts off or getting wet. Tonight for a change it was a pleasant warm summers evening, now there’s a surprise.
After a quick pit stop at the bar to top up the tank the Gerrard and Beer teams moseyed on down to the area of combat where trail by boules would take place.
We started with Lynne and Sparky slugging it out with Jerry and Dave the man with those X-ray specs just like the ones of the X men. Obviously those special powers were on top form as they battered Beers duo 9-0.
Lady Jayne and Smokey were next into the arena against Steve and Ros. We couldn’t afford to go two nil down. Unfortunately our pairing made a bad start but quickly fought back to level. The special powers of Steve and Ros rapidly saw them pull away again but this time they made it count. Again the Gerrard had won with a score of 9-4 and were two games to the good.
We had two win the next game or it was all over or as they say it would have been curtains for us. It was time to unleash those two muscle bound power houses, Lanky Sam and Meme. Oh no, not with a rippling six packs but a whole beer keg of wobbly awesomeness just like a tsunami releasing waves of power. They faced formidable adversaries in Kaz and Paul. The tsunami twins had the measure of the Gerrard’s pairing sweeping them aside and leaving them all washed up and defeated 9-1.
Still we had to win all the remaining games and the next was the game of the night.
In a titanic struggle which pitched Sparky, Lynne and Meme against Steve, Ros and Paul. With neither side giving any quarter the fight was on! The game swung like a clocks pendulum back and forth, who ever edged in front was being pegged back again. At eight all the game and match was balanced on a knife edge. By now the Sea gulls on the roofs were starting to take a keen interest in the game. The last end was close going down to the wire but it was the Gerrard that sneaked the game and match.
Now playing for pride and damage limitation, The Count, Smokey and Lanky set to work against Kaz, Jerry and Dave.  For once Dave and his X-ray glasses were not up to spec and his small band found them selves on the losing end of a 9-6 result. We had managed to limit the damage to one point and had lost 3-2. Our see saw season continues up one week and down the next so it’s looking good for our next match!
Next week is pairs and singles week, barring any last minute changes Lanky and Meme will play in the pairs at the club and Lynne will take her chances with the rest of the representatives of the teams in the leagues in the singles at the Kings arms.

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New Inn Flyers V Beer Club - 31st May 2016.

By the light of the silvery phone – Captain Meme reporting
On a dry but what would turn out to be a rather wet night we headed for Kilmington.
Both drivers had their own variation of detours on route; eventually we arrived safely and were ready for action with the New Inn Flyers.
The cards of fate had done their work and the pairs had been finalised. The first game started with Lynne and Smokey locked in mortal combat with Norm and Stan.
The Beer duo made a flying start and maintained altitude to the finish, winning 9-3.
Round two saw Lady Jayne and Lanky Sam in a clash of the titans, slogging it out with Paul and Neil. In a repeat of the first game but in reverse the Flyers had done the damage cruising at light speed to win 9-3.
The match is all square we were now basically playing a best of three game match. 
The final pairings would bring together both Captains, Meme and The Count for Beer and Jan and Dean for the Flyers. The Count was struggling along on impulse power and Meme was flying along at mach 1 endeavouring to compensate. Jan and Dean where playing well with Dean seemingly being able to make the winning shot with his last Boule nearly every throw it wasn’t long before the Flyers had won 9-3.
Three games with a score of 9-3 I’d say that was more than a touch of déjà vu wouldn’t you!
By now the dry evening was not so dry with spots of rain starting to fall and getting worse by the minute.
With Beer now having to win all the remaining games to win the match and to quote that famous song “When the going gets tough, the tough gets going” well one more puns not going to hurt and no doubt there will be plenty more to come!
The Count, Lanky and Smokey would be reaching for the sky in a dog fight for supremacy against Norn, Stan and Neil. Beers trio came out of the sun or where it would have been if it hadn’t been raining. Swooping on the opposition and vanquishing them from the field of battle 9-5.
Again as in last weeks game it was 2-2 and the deciding game would settle everything. By now it was getting quite dark and the rain was getting more wet shall we say! Lynne, Lady Jane and Meme started the final game against Paul, Jan and Dean. After a few ends it was becoming even wetter than it was before and we toyed with the idea of tossing a coin for the game and match. After some mumblelings and mutterings it was decided to play on. It was now getting really dark and we were struggling to see the Jack. As a result of the rain no one wanted or was brave enough to plug the lights in for fear of being electrocuted, I can’t say I really blame them. We ended up playing by the light of a mobile phone shining it on the piste; well that definitely is a first for the team anyway. Finally the rain had started to ease a little and by the light of the silvery phone we continued to play. The clubs attack force flew into the assault, diving down and unleashing salvo of mayhem. Sparks were flying literally as Meme released his orbs of awesomeness. Beer had the upper hand and pressed home the advantage to take the game 9-4 and the match 3-2.
It was a most enjoyable night despite the bloody rain and being more than a little damp, we look forward to playing them again.
Next week we are at home to the Gerrard arms, a team relegated from the top flight as were we last season. So it should be a interesting match!

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Beer Club V Kingfisher Stars - 24th May 2016.

Nearly, but not quite! – Captain Meme reporting
Once more we headed for the club to engage in the throwing of the orbs and hopefully a little banter and a lot of alcohol!
By jove those players from the Kingfisher Stars (wars) are keen, straight to the bar      (the first of many visits) and onto the piste eager and keen boules a trembling in their hands. They could hardly contain themselves.
We got underway with the first pairs taking their positions. Sparky and Meme were playing against June and Helen. It wasn’t a good start for Beers duo as both players had one of those world renowned Carlin moments each in the first two ends and found them selves trailing. Was it a case of just one of those things or were there darker forces at work? We battled on against the warriors of the Kingfisher and soon made the jump to light speed seizing victory 9-5.
The second battle in the galactic front thrust Smokey and Lady Jayne into combat with Paul and Andy. The vast desolate waste lands of the piste is where the opposition lay in wait to ambush our pair who after falling foul to their Jedi mind games where defeated 5-9.
Lynne and Lanky Sam crossed light sabre boules with Liz and Brian. The force was stronger in the Kingfisher Stars pairing and Lynne and Lanky’s field generators were rapidly weakening and light sabres beginning to droop, soon the shots were raining through their weakened defence and quickly it was all over they’d lost 3-9.
A counter strike was needed and with Lady Jayne, Smokey and Sparky piloting their x-wing fighters. They started their attack on Ralph, Paul and Helen with a savage ferocity. After the initial onslaught the Kingfisher Stars retaliated recapturing some ground against their attackers. A quick burst on the thrusters gave the clubs the boost they needed to conquer their rivals 9-6.
The last game of the starry night and it was all square and all to play for. With Brian, Liz and Andy unleashed a meteor storm of shots on Lynne, Lanky and Meme. Our resistant fighters put up a valiant defence against the barrage. Despite this the enemy kept finding it’s target and it wasn’t long before they had won the game 9-1 and the match 3-2.
Our see saw season continues with a bag of mixed results and next week we face the New Inn Flyers in a  galaxy far far away!, well Kilmington anyway.

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Beer Club V Ship Castaways (Whitbread Cup round 2) - 17th May 2016.

“Surprise, Surprise!” – Captain Meme reporting
With the threat of rain still holding off much to everyone’s relief, we headed for the club. Our opponents for the night came form the first division, The Ship Castaways.
Once they’d docked and weighed anchor by way of the bar of course, everyone headed for the piste.
The Count cast off in the first game of the match against Steve and it wasn’t long before The Count’s abacus was getting a bit soggy. Steve now had the wind in his sails and soon cruised to a 9-2 victory for the Ship.
In the second game it was the turn of Lynne and Nigel. Lynne took an early lead which she built into 6-1. Soon Nigel’s outboard was purring along and he rapidly squeezed a few more knots out of his performance, enough to edge Lynne out 9-7.
Things were not looking good with Sparky seemingly blowing a fuse and Terry taking advantage and sailing away to victory 9-7.
Ever get that sinking feeling; well it felt a bit like that at three nil down. We couldn’t afford to loose another game.  
Smokey was geared up for his confrontation against Gary and after crossing each others bows. Garry started to get into trouble and began gibing all over the place quickly Smokey took advantage mastering the high seas of the piste and prevailed 9-4.  
Meme’s adversary was Nick and in the early stages it was all one way traffic for Nick.
Time for Meme to make a move and looking at the cut of his jib he meant business. Unfurling his spinnaker Meme coasted to a win for the club 9-4, déjà vu or what!
Lastly it was Lanky Sam’s and Alan’s turn to fight it out in a crucial final singles game. Salvo and counter salvo were exchanged in this battle of the high sea. With Lanky Sam in full sail he was beginning to pull away and with Alan’s anchor dragging it wasn’t long before Lanky had won 9-5 and levelled the match.
It’ a cruel sea we sail at times and in a twist of fate even Mystic Meg and her crystal ball couldn’t have predicted. The Ship was lacking a player to proceed with the deciding game of triples. It transpired that the Captain Steve after he’d won his game, obviously hadn’t been polishing or staring into his crystal ball and left early, leaving his team one short for a potential playoff. With this it was decided by the Ship that they would concede the final game and match. A win for the club but not the way we would have wanted it! A wins a win though.
Into the quarter finals we go and against another first division team the Fishers, hopefully we will have the same result in a more traditional manner.

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White Hart Movers V Beer Club - 10th May 2016.

Mizzle, drizzle and rain! – captain Meme reporting
On a very muggy and humid but damp night we headed for the kingfisher. Our band of intrepid heroes were in high spirits, vodka and gin mainly. Waiting to meet us were the White hart movers who we triumphed over in the Whitbread cup, would we be as lucky again?
The draw for the pairs and triples was pretty good by the cards of fate, giving us a well balanced team line up.
Lady Jayne and Smokey followed Dec and Steve to the piste for the first head to head of the night.
The Movers struck first taking a single shot in the first end, after that it was full steam ahead for Beers duo who railroaded their opponents 9-1.
The second game was a mixed pair’s event and Captain against Captain, Jim and Laura for the Movers and Lynne and Meme for the club. By now the mizzle had turned to drizzle. The piste with its fine gravel was beginning to resemble a slightly muddyish quarry pit. Not dissimilar to where they filmed most of the BBC’s sci-fi dramas. Now as then the good guys came out on top, Lynne and Meme arrived at the finish line first winning with a score of 9-2.
To coin a phrase, my favourite phrase of the moment. In a big slice of déjà vu Lanky Sam and The Count beat Matt and Dan the disciple of the dark lord of the wires, Sparky, by the same score as in the last game 9-2.
Having now won the match it was time to press home our advantage unleashing Sparky, Lynne and Lady Jayne, Upon Jim, Matt and the disciple Dan. The force was strong in the disciple Dan, using his by now formidable powers to defeat his Master. Sparky and his small band of followers were cast aside into the waste land of the piste, defeated 4-9.
Last game of the night and it was starting to rain yet again. Steve, Dec and Laura stood ready and waiting for the mightiest of trios Lanky, Smokey and Meme to join them. Displaying their awesomeness Beers mightiest trio set to work and took the lead. Despite a mini come back by the Movers trio, the clubs supermen displayed mastery of the boules and beat them 9-4 to finish the match with a score of 4-1.
Our next two games are at home the first being a Whitbread cup match against the Ship castaways, wish us luck!

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Golden Wonders V Beer Club - 26th April 2016.

Siberia? -  Captain Meme reporting
In a slight cock up with the transport arrangements and after a case of the disappearing van we finally arrived at the Golden hind more or less on time.
A familiar venue but unfamiliar opponents in the Golden Wonders team, who were an unknown quantity to us?
What hand would the cards of fate deal us, a full house or just a pair in terms of team selection?
After a long snort of that legal drug farm yard crack, breathed deeply in and clearing our sinuses and making our eyes water just a little, Lanky Sam and Meme where on a high and ready to take on all comers. Caroline and Paul were their rivals and the game was all over in four ends. Lanky and Meme scored 6 shots in the last end and won the game 9-2. With the wind blowing off the Tundra it was beginning to feel more like Siberia every second. With extremities freezing and some starting to shrivel it was Lynne and Sparky’s turn to take to the frozen waste lands of the piste to battle it out with John and Chris. The game was a close affair but a last minute strike saw the opposition take the win 6-9 and level the match.
Lady Jayne and Smokey were the last of our pairings vying for the honours, their antagonist were Jane and Colin. In a repeat of the last game the Wonders won 6-9,
Talk about déjà vu. In the first of the triples Chris, Jayne and Paul from the club would fight it out with Chris, Jane and Paul from the Wonders, confusing or what! Having snapped the icicles off parts of our protruding anatomy and trying to get the blood circulating, by sipping some of that alcoholic antifreeze we were ready for the off. Things were not going our way; even the men working on Musbury’s generator were hindering our efforts and pulled the plug on us plunging us into darkness! After a short interlude, as they say we reluctantly returned to the Arctic wastes of the piste. It wasn’t long before we were in trouble and slipped by the wayside 3-9.
Having now lost the match we had to try and salvage some pride and pull a game back and reduce the damage. Half the team had retreated to the tropical oasis of the bar while the rest of us were trying to fend off the onslaught of frost bite! After huddling around the arc lights for some warmth we began the last game of the night. Lanky Sam, Lynne and Meme were playing for team Beer and Alison, Colin and John for the Wonders. Despite all of Colin’s best efforts to score as many points for us as he could. We’d got to the finish line in second place by a score of 6-9, by this time not being too bothered and just glad to get to the bar and the oasis of warmth!
We’d all said after the game as we tucked into the nosh provided, “we’d never known a night like it” being so cold and didn’t want to again!
No game next week because we have a bye due to the Kings cavaliers dropping out of the league.
The next exciting episode for our team will be in two weeks time, when we will be away at the Kingfisher and playing the White Hart movers.

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Beer Club V Eyre Court A - 19th April 2016.

To bar or not to bar that is the drink? – Captain Meme reporting
It was a pleasant evening but just a little on the brass monkey side, but that hadn’t deterred the Eyre’s court who where chomping at the bit. They where swarming all over the piste like a colony of ants. Meanwhile I was trying to loosen our ram shacked bunch of misfits grip on the drink, having to use a metaphorical crow bar to prize them away from the bar, what a struggle!
Jayne and Lynne conscripted member to the newly formed attitude police, who were taking on the daunting task of keeping us in order! Where up against Trev and Tracy in the first game. All that practice before we finally got to the piste paid dividends for the away team as they won 1-9.
Sparky and Meme were next against Pat and Bob; I don’t know what they’d done to the jack? No matter how close we got they always seemed to be able to plonk their boule right on that little red object of desire the jack. With a touch of déjà vu our duo fell by the wayside 1-9.
We must win all remaining games if we were to avoid defeat, Lanky Sam freshly tanned from his winter in the sun and Smokey had to do the biz on Gary and Ray.
In a game that swung to and fro just like a pair of dangling love orbs it was Lanky and Smokey who were the victors winning 9-5.
With our chances of winning still hanging by a thread Lynne, Smokey and Meme faced off against Trev, Tracy and Ray. It was time for us to step into “Top gear” minus Jeremy of course and cursing down that stony highway to success 9-3.
All square! And all to play for in the last game of the night “The winner takes it all” as in the words of the famous song.
Lady Jayne, Sparky and Lanky Sam stood on the piste boules at the ready to battle Pat, Gary and Bob, but who would do the dirty on who? 
In a game of epic proportions we edged the lead only to be pegged back. Slowly but surely the power of the tan started to exude confidence “floating like a butterfly and stinging like a bee”, aiding the trio to win the game 9-3 and the match 3-2.
What a match, so close, coming from two nil down but luckily we ended up on the winning side.
Next week we’re away to the Golden wonders at the Golden hind and that delicate perfume of eau de toilette of farm yard wafting in the air and up your nostrils! 

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The Whitbread Cup - 12th April 2016.

Decisions, Decisions? – Captain Meme reporting
The dawn of a new season and would it be a case of getting out the thermals? Especially as it seems at the moment to be a different season nearly every day of the week!
Freshly demoted from the top flight of boules yet again! We were eager and ready for the off, well most of us were!
We were at home and the visiting team were the White hart movers an adversary we had faced in the past.
We were in a quandary with the Whitbread cup game as we were promoting a new competition the “Knocked out cup” and the decision was to go all out for the win or not and entered into the inaugural new competition. We would play for the win and hope for the best.
The game got underway with Station master Pete the stalwart reserve against Jason. With a full head of steam Pete got underway and reached the end of the line with little trouble 9-2.
Round two saw Lady Jane verses Laura and with weapons of choice at the ready, boules not handbags.
The feminine charms of Lady Jane got her through in a very tight game 9-8.
Nick the new boy on the block and in at the deep end, in a one to one with Jim a wily adversary.
It proved too much for Nick being vanquished 0-9 from the field of battle.
Even though Lanky Sam was absent he was with us in spirit with several of those world renowned Carlin moments thrown in just to liven things up a bit.
Sparky that wiry and tough competitor took on Matt. Keeping his fuse with tolerance and plugging in so to speak he took victory 9-5.
Up next against Dan, who was in for some friendly stick from Sparky his boss. Did the mind games have any affect? Maybe it did because in the end Smokey was triumphant 9-2.
The match now won, it was time for yours truly to take to the piste, having kept himself back like a coiled cat ready to leap into action at the decisive moment. Slightly deflated at the match being already won I was now playing for pride. Not to worry Meme ran out a 9-5 winner against Steve to round off a resounding victory 5-1. In the next round we will face the Ship Castaways at home; will we be as successful against first division opposition?

Next week will the thermals be out in force when we play Eyre court A at home let hope not!

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