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Beer Social Club - Sam & Meme's Boules Reports

Axe Cliff B V Beer Club - 12th May 2015.

A case of identity – Captain Meme reporting
In a two car convoy we headed for the dizzy heights of the Axe cliff’s venue and what a view over the bay greeted us upon our arrival. It was the B team we were here to encounter and now with the formalities over it was time to get the show on the road.
Team selection made and it was Mr Carlin moment himself Lanky Sam Carlin and Meme playing Alan and Reece. In the first end we were holding one shot with a potential four on offer. With the opposition a spent force and Lanky still having three boules remaining it was worth a punt with at least one or two of them. If he could dislodge their boule four shots would be ours. No joy with the first effort a hit with the second but still no joy and everyone knew what was coming with the third. Aiming carefully Lanky unleashed his last boule which clattered amongst the huddle of boules. To no ones surprise Lanky had secured his first Carlin moment of the evening and two shots for the Axe cliff.
We never recovered from that masterpiece and we were soon five nil down which quickly turned into a score of 9-1for the Axe cliff.
The second pairing launching into action were Sparky and Badger a dynamic duo against Steve and Caroline. It wasn’t long before Beers pairing were above par and scoring a hole in one on more than one occasion. Soon it was the oppositions turn to be shouting “fore” after finding the right club in their arsenal. It was to no avail though as in the end Sparky and Badger proved just too strong for them levelling the match score by winning 9-3.
Time for the third game to Tee off with Lady Jayne and The Caterer faced Jack and Horace or was it David Bryant world famous bowls player. With his even more famous pipe or was it Sherlock Holmes smouldering away in the corner of the piste? Horace or who ever he was appeared to be quiet good at the game of boules. Could it have been the smoke screen produced by his pipe no matter what it was it was working? Our valiant heroines put up a good fight but sadly they couldn’t stop the inevitable and lost 3-9.
Sparky, Lady Jayne and Meme were up to the challenge ahead and couldn’t wait for the off. Reece, Alan and Caroline their opponents started the game off. It was a close game with both sides knowing the importance of the outcome. It was Beer who avoided the bunkers and got their puts on target. Pulling ahead and leaving the Axe cliff to ponder where they had gone wrong as they lost 7-9.
The match was all square at two a piece and now it was getting very nippy everyone wanted to get to the nineteenth hole for the grub and the warmth.
Lanky, Badger and The Caterer readied themselves for what lay ahead of them. Jack accompanied by Steve, Jack and the mystery man known as Horace with his smouldering mini bonfire. Would he be bringing a pipe of peace or was he sending smoke signal to ready for the attack. It was the latter and as the onslaught proceeded it was soon clear that it wasn’t going to be our day once again. They had lost the game 1-9 and we had lost the match 2-3 but we’d still had an enjoyable but chilly night. Back to the club house to wine and dine and a large chunk of “chewing the fat over” later we headed for Beer and home.
Next week we have no game because it’s the Whitbread cup and we have already fallen by the way side. So are next match will be at home on the 26th against Shipwrecked and the notorious Malcolm X and his femme fatale.  
Sadly this will be my last report and I will be going into journalistic retirement.
I have enjoyed my time creating a little fun and nonsense with a slice of reality and I will miss it. All good things must come to an end so farewell and good bye.
There is currently a search for a replacement scribe to replace myself a hard task indeed so watch this space.

P.S. I may be tempted to come out of retirement on the odd occasion so beware!

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Beer Club V Golden Hind - 5th May 2015.

Liquid sunshine! – Captain Meme reporting
As you can guess from the title real sunshine was in short supply and instead we had quite a lot of the liquid variety.
Everyone had assembled and headed for the piste and no sooner had we put the boules on the gravel it phissed down.
After about a twenty minutes rain delay we started, Tim and Gerard for the GHB and The Count and Badger for the club. On completion of the first end the heavens once again opened and everyone dashed for cover. After yet another short rain delay and slightly damper we were back in action. The Counts abacus had malfunctioned and Badger looked as though he was going to ground. With a token score on the board for the club Tim and Gerard reached the winning line soggy boules and all 1-9.
In the following end The Caterer and Meme took on Terry and Mark. Meme tossed the coin and Terry called “tails” and it was tails, he said “game over” to which Meme replied “what for you!” This turned out to be the case as Beer’s pairing decimated Terry and Mark 9-0 in just a few short ends.  
The third game which saw the big guns come out for the GHB as brothers in arms Steve and Paul fought it out with Smokey and Sparky. In case of de javu it wasn’t to be for Smokey and Sparky. With no sparks flying from Sparky to much water in the fuse box no doubt and not enough of a smoke screen from Smokey saw them defeated 1-9.
Phase two of the match and it was still trying to rain, the triples started off with Badger, Smokey and Sparky in the longest game of the night. Their opponents Terry, Tim and Gerard needed to clinch the game for the match. The GHB tried flexing their muscles to no avail as Beer took a good lead and as you might come to expect both sides were soon level again. The next few ends were shared forcing a sudden death play off at 8-8. Could we draw the match level and force a last game decider or would the GHB snatch the win and match? All hung in the balance and with Beer holding shot it went down to the final throw of the last end. Would the gods shine on us or would it be more of the liquid variety. It was not to be as they stole shot, game and match with one boule to win 8-9.
It was now a damage limitation game trying not to repeat the four one defeat of the week before.
The Count, Lady Jayne and Meme entered the gladiatorial arena locked in combat with Steve, Paul and Mark. The game was more or less a re run of the last game with neither side gaining an advantage. In a reversal of fortune Beer grasped victory with both hands leaving the GHB on the wrong end of a 9-7 score line.
Three two the final score to the GHB but it could have so easily been the other way! At least it wasn’t five nil as it has been in the past.
After returning to the bar for the vitals and several more glasses of grog we headed for home and at last it had stopped raining!
Next weeks episode should see the return of Lanky to the fold, will the serenity of the last few games be shattered, probably! It will also see our team take on the Axe cliff B team at the mountainous altitude of their home piste.

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Kings Arms A V Beer Club - 28th April 2015.

Frozen – Captain Meme reporting
Our gang of happy wanderers arrived at the venue, a frozen landscape known as the Kings Arms, hardly a sole in sight no surprise really. It was bad enough but there was this arctic wind just like the one blowing across the Steppes of the Tundra. Never the less we got down to the nitty gritty even though it was firkin Baltic.
Smokey and Meme set forth winter warmers in hand to face Kim and Stan. Things started well for our duo they took a two nil lead. Then it all went very pear shaped with Smokey having several Carlin moments and scoring more for the opposition than us. It wasn’t long before we found ourselves losing 3-9.
Sparky and The Caterer were next against Pierre and Ash. They started well and continued to do so finishing by the same score line but in reverse as the first game    9-3.
Last of the pairs saw Badger and Lady Jayne trying not to look too much of an icicle when meeting Chris and Ken themselves on defrost. Our two little icicles never managed to properly thaw out and were frozen to the spot losing 0-9.
The three players from Beer now starting to suffer with permafrost, that was Sparky, Lady Jayne and Smokey found they were in deep icy waters when Pierre, Kevin and Stan blew like a sub zero wind, freezing our trio as solid as a block of ice and that was as they say “was that” and 9-0 to the Kings Arms again.
Last game of the night and by now we were even colder, took Badger, The Caterer and Meme our trio face to face with Ash, Kim and Ken. Going five nil down wasn’t a good start but we pulled ourselves together and clawed our way back to five all. We were holding two in the next end when one of those icy bolts from the blue disguised as a Kings Arms boule jumped the jack. Over our holding boules and it landed next to two of theirs and with their last two boules they made it four shots and game. Fortunately no one was around to see the events unfold as they’d all firked off to the bar and the warm!  
We had been beaten by four games to one but it could have been worse, we have now won one game and lost one.
Next week could be seen to be a bit of a difficult game as we play the Golden hind B, we have beaten them before so who knows what might happen! Can you wait to find out or will you be doing a bit of DIY Mystic Meg predictions?

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Beer Club V Ship Castaways - 21st April 2015.

A Cunning Plan – Captain MeMe reporting
It was the start of the season officially and back playing in the first division at that, hoorah. We assembled at our watering hole Beer club and waited for the Castaways to dock.
We were slightly depleted with Sparky and Lanky away, so we were at least in for a serene and stress free night!
This season we are adopting a random selection strategy with everybody getting a game. Will it make a difference to the results only time would tell?
The castaways weighed anchor and headed for the piste. Where the team selection was then committed onto paper ready for the off. We were looking forward to welcoming Badger back into the fold after his absence of last season. Strangely there was no sign of him? After a phone call we discovered that he’d got the days mixed up, thinking Tuesday was Thursday and Thursday was Tuesday and so on. Maybe those senior moments are creeping up fast? This threw proceedings into minor chaos not as much though if a certain personage had graced us with his presents.
So the first pair would play second and the second pair would play first leaving Lady Jayne and MeMe to set the wheels in motion against Nick and Ian. They gave a fine performance just like Fred and Ginger dancing rings around their opponents. Quickly the duo waltzed to a winning score line of 9-1.
It was time for the memory man Badger himself and Smokey to try and scupper the pairing of Sarah and Nigel from the Ship. Both sides unleashed salvo after salvo but it was the visiting pair who scuppered Beer’s duo 0-9.
Now back on track with the third pairings playing in their rightful slot. The Caterer and The Count started with launching a broadside offensive against Alan and Pete. Both sides were trying to out manoeuvre each other with tack and counter tack. It was the Castaways that jibed and Beer took full advantage pouncing to win 9-3, now two one up we were looking forward to the triples.
The Caterer, The Count and MeMe picked up the gauntlet thrown down by Steve, Sarah and Nigel. The castaways raced into a substantial lead only for it all to be drawn level once again. The Ships trio unfurled the spinnaker and slipped away crossing the finishing line 9-6, all square in the match once again.
The Ship now revealed its cunning plan substituting Ian for Alan at the last moment. Some story about Ian’s wife being on her way to pick him up after her evening’s soiree, you know as well I do no man does what he’s told by his wife!!!!! Well most of the time! So no doubt it must have been some tactical cunning master plan to sink Beer’s chances. It would now be Nick, Pete and Alan duelling for supremacy with Smokey, Lady Jayne and Badger. Justice was seen to be done as Beers trio cruised ahead leaving the Ships team in its wake 9-4 and winning the match 3-2. The first of many to come we hope! Afterwards we headed to the bar to celebrate and dine on the taste of victory and fine vitals provided.
Next week we will be away to the venue of the midge and gnat, the Kings arms and its fellow promotion team and league winners the Kings arms A. Why not come along to watch and lose all feeling in your extremities and asset’s just like the rest of us mad enough to be playing.

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Whitbread Cup - 14th April 2015.

A Roller coaster of a ride – Captain MeMe reporting
The first game of the season dawns and yes it’s flipping freezing as you might have expected.
We travelled to Colyton and arrived at the Kingfisher and headed straight for the bar, no surprise there then and to our amazement Lanky was in the chair and getting a round in! Was this a good or bad omen well we were astonished!
What a battle against the Kingfisher Rebels laid ahead. The Caterer started us off against Ken from the Rebels what a ding dong game, the advantage swinging their way then ours and then all level at eight all. A final end decider that saw Ken from the Rebels have his cake and eat it piping us to the post 9-8.
Lanky strode to the piste and readied himself for battle against his foe Mel. Whether his antics earlier put him on edge I don’t know but Mel took advantage and lanky quickly found him self on the wrong end of a 9-4 score line.
Things had started to look up as Lady Jayne won her game against Simon who plays much better darts for the Kingfisher, by the same score as the last game 9-4.
Smokey hoping to keep the momentum flowing in our direction was in one to one combat with Ali.
For the second time tonight we found both sides at eight all and going into a deciding end.
This time it was Beer that was triumphant and drawing the match level at two games a piece.
Next was Carla for the Rebels and MeMe for the club. MeMe was like a fish out of water and being gripped tightly in the Kingfishers bill. He put up some resistance and even when he had Carla at his mercy the boules had a mind of their own. This left MeMe sinking almost without trace 2-9.
It was now up to Sparky to save the day and win the game to force a play off. He definitely had the bit between his teeth and romped home to a 9-2 win over Rodney.
The play off consisted of the three winners from both sides, Lady Jayne, Smokey and Sparky for the good guys and Ken, Mel and Carla for the Rebels both sides going for gold in a single game of triples.
Talk about being up the creek without a paddle! It appeared we didn’t even have a boat to sail in and sank without trace 0-9. Congratulations to the Rebels and we wish them the best of luck in the next round.
Next week were home to the Ship Castaways and let’s hope we won’t be cast adrift.

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