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Beer Social Club - Sam & Meme's Boules Reports

Beer Club V Axe Cliff A - 12th September 2013.

The slippery slope – Captain Meme reporting
Once again readers and fans of the weekly written ramblings and fantasy concoctions from yours truly are coming to an end with the last report of the season.
No matter what happens in tonight’s match we cannot avoid the drop, it’s looking more than likely than ever that we will finish bottom of the heap!
Our game is the last of the season because it is a back match from mid August and it would be such an important one, with the title and crown for the first division resting on it’s outcome.
To the first game of the night with Mr Jurassic coast Woody and Meme playing for the good guys competing against Scotchy and Cloader from the Axe cliff. It was a fast and furious game with neither side giving any quarter. The first end saw Scotchy spring the jack leaving the club in control and they pounced like someone who was about to have their drink purloined scoring three shots. The same happened in the second end but in reverse a definite case of tit for tat, yet again a score of three to the bad guys in the forth end. Woody and Meme struck back with another score of three to level the game once again at 6-6. If the pattern of play continued it would be all over in the next end and so it was with Meme just catching the edge of the jack and moving it into the open the bad guys seized their moment taking the three shots to win the game 6-9.
The Axe cliff needed to win the match by a minimum score line of four one to lift the title and with the first game under their belts, it was now the turn of Lady Jane and Lanky to face the music.
Lloyd and Coxy the captain now back after his antipodean wanderings set to work in trying to make it two nil in their favour. The bad guys took an early advantage but they were unable to stop Beer drawing level. It wasn’t long before they nudged in front again and managed to stretch it that little bit more to win 5-9.
Two nil up and it was already starting to look very ominous for us. James had suddenly disappeared home another case for the X-files I think, so Badger stepped in to the breech accompanied by that live wire Sparky.
Boardy and Greener were in for the Axe cliff now known by their new team names of Ant and Dec, which is which I don’t know as ones as daft as the other. Ant or was it Dec kicked the proceedings off and they were straight into the groove, it’s surprising they have time for dancing as well as throwing boules but there again Greener has to practice his gyrations at some point. Ant and Dec proved that Britain’s got talent as they quickly found that everything wasn’t just Red or Black but black and white and ran out 3-9 winners.
Unsurprisingly we found ourselves three, nil down and defeated once more but could we put a spanner in the works and deprive them of that vital extra game they needed to win the title.
The triples started with Lanky, Sparky and Lady Jane facing the trio of Tubsy, Ant and Dec the latter took a seven, two lead and all looked as if it was going Axe cliff’s way. It can all change in an instance and the boot was on the other foot and Beer was fighting back taking point after point drawing level at 7-7. Dec aka Greener, gyroscope or something must have been malfunctioning as he seemed to have this odd elliptical obit to his gyrations causing him to be off target. Ant seeing his buddy in trouble found him self in the same predicament as you know one can’t work without the other. Poor Tubsy just couldn’t make up the sort fall and the Axe cliff had lost their first game    9-7.
It’s not over till the fat lady sings and boy were the Axe cliff praying for her to let rip, with a musical note of course!
The final show down was between Woody, Badger and Meme verses Coxy, Scotchy and Cloader. It didn’t start well for the club as we dislodged the jack a couple of inches and gave the Axe cliff two shots, we struck back immediately taking two in the following end. It all went a bit pear shaped after that; despite our best efforts we could not stop the Axe cliff taking the win with a four in the last end.
We had been defeated four one but more importantly the Axe cliff had secured that vital game to win the first division title, tying with the Golden hind on points but winning on game difference (wins).
Returning to the bar to dine on a special end of season treat, crab sandwiches among others and to see the Axe cliff sink the odd drink or three in celebration, another boules season has sadly come to a close.
Let us be one of the first to give our congratulations to the Axe cliff on winning the title and commiserations to the Golden hind in such a close battle.
We have had a good time in the first division and will miss the fun and rapport we have had with the Harbour, Colyton FC, Axe cliff, the Castaways and not to forget those happy wanders from Whitford to mention a few.
So we say goodbye to the first division as we were now on the slippery slope heading toward the second division and a new dawn of challenges.
Good bye to another season and wishing everyone the best, Meme.

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Beer Club V Golden Hind B - 10th September 2013.

Judgement day – Captain Meme reporting
We were making our way to the club for the most important game of the season against the Golden Hind; we required nothing less than to win the match to stand any chance of avoiding relegation. We also needed our closest rivals to lose for things to swing in our favour; in fact we needed a miracle to get out of jail!
The team was raring to go getting in some early practice drinking of course and plenty of elbow exercises for good measure.
It was no use putting it off any longer as we had to get the show on the road, Big Kim was so eager to get cracking only because he had realised that the football was on in the bar and was starting to panic he’d miss it! Meme joined him in the fray and met the opposition on the piste, from the dark side were Terry and Tim.
Considering Big Kim so was desperate to watch the footie he managed to kill three of the first five ends. Realising the error of his ways he decided that keeping the jack on the piste was a better idea after all.
Slowly but surely Beers duo started forging a lead just keeping the opposition in check, we had done it winning the first game 9-6 the best possible start we could of hoped for.
We needed to keep this winning streak going so James and Sparky strode into the arena where they came face to face with the Golden hinds very own femme fatale Kathy and Gerard the stalwart and captain of the team.
Kathy and Gerard were on fire dislodging our boules at will casing mayhem every where, increasing the pressure causing James and Sparky to blow a fuse and forcing a meltdown. They had won 3-9 drawing the match level and now making the match in reality the best of three games.
We had to gain the advantage again, we hoped to do so with lumber jack Woody and Lanky Sam and their opposition came in the shape of not the Blues brothers but the Serious Brothers Steve and Paul.
Woody and Lanky started well taking an early advantage and at one point they looked as though they might win it. Of course the Serious Brothers then got really serious turning the screw and applying more and more pressure, until eventually the cracks started to appear in Beers armour and before we knew it we had been defeated 5-9 putting the Golden hind back in front.
Things were stating to look bad but we hadn’t given up yet sending forth the fair lady Jane, Sparky and Lanky. The Golden Hind’s reply was to send two T’s and a G, Terry, Tim and Gerard and it was they who gained the better start leaving us to catch up. It was just not to be as we got as far as three and that was that they had lost 3-9 and the match.
We now seemed destined for relegation but if we could just take the last game it might give us a chance of avoiding finishing bottom of the division.
The final game of the night was supposed to be Woody, James and Big Kim but as he’d decided to go home, a last minute substitution was made and Meme stepped in. The Serious Brothers were looking more serious than ever, as they realised if they won this game it would give the team a better chance of winning the division title yet again, joined by Mark they made a formidable trio.
James came up with a cunning plan; more devious than one of Baldricks we would play first then second then third in rotation could this stoke of genius work? No not really as we fell by the way side with the same score line as in the previous game 3-9 and that was that we had been scuppered 1-4.
I suppose deep down we hadn’t really expected any thing else especially the way our season had panned out but we lived in hope.
Heading for the bar to make light work of delicacies laid before us and to drown our sorrows once again with plenty of liquid refreshments non alcoholic of course! Which we are well versed at by now, after the feasting and a certain amount of mickey taking we bid fare well to the Golden Hind for the last time, as they will be in a different division next season.
It’s not all over yet as we have a final game against Axe cliff later this week. Rumour has it they won five nil in their match which leaves an interesting finale to the end of season, doesn’t it!

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Harbour A V Beer Club - 3rd September 2013.

The return of Malcolm X and the magnificent six and a half - Captain Meme reporting
In a strange sort of night not all was as it seemed we were at home yet we were away, were we in a parallel dimension and upon seeing the Harbour’s magnificent six and a half were we in the twilight zone?
The venues had been switched due to the Harbour sharing a piste with the Castaways and not wanting to rearrange the game so late in the season.
As in all premier league sports and ours being no exception managerial change is a fact of life. Mike the captain of the four, one victory over us last half now only being half the player he used to be due to one hand being wrapped in splints and bandages (no use trying to cover up those alien invaders hands that way!) Had in a vicious take over battle been ousted and cast aside would the Harbour come to regret that decision only time would tell.
The replacement captain was Peter or was he just the puppet of the puppet master who is always in control none other than Malcolm X.
The first pairing had been selected it was none other than the femme fatale herself Doris and Richard code name Dick (Digital Integrated Composite Kinetic cyborg) first to the piste. In response to this Beer unleashed those two silth like gazelles Lanky and Meme.
Whether Richard batteries or his X-ray specs had malfunctioned or perhaps the femme fetale had lost her touch of fatale, maybe it was that they just couldn’t get over the fact of Lanky and Meme being compared to gazelles had done it, but they seemed to be struggling so Lanky and Meme took advantage of this and seized first blood and the win 9-4.
The harbours reply was to release Wilf and the main man himself Malcolm X, Sparky and Jane were not intimidated by these two and took an early lead. Until the later stages it was fairly even between the two pairings. Towards the end of the game Malcolm X’s super powers started to shine which enabled them to win 6-9.
The last pairing saw Peter and Simon battling it out with Big Kim and our secret weapon Monty not the Second World War tactician but just as cunning as he.
It wasn’t long before Beer forged a lead increasing it all the time until eventually Peter and Simon capitulated under the pressure giving Big Kim and Monty a 9-2 win and the club a two, one lead with it, Malcolm you need to pull the strings a bit harder next time!
On to the triples and in the first game for the Harbour were John the quiet, Richard the cyborg code name Dick and now having found her femme and her fatale it was the one and only Doris, for the good guys were Big Kim, Sparky and the secret weapon Monty. What a ding dong of a battle with Beer taking a magnificent lead of seven nil. Back came the masters of carnage and destruction from the Harbour drawing level. The next two ends were shared forcing a final sudden death show down, could Beer snatch the final point and win the match or would the Harbour force a last game decider? It was Beer who snatched that vital point and the match winning 9-8 and the match 3-1 but could we make it 4-1 and ease the relegation battle?
Board room battles and managerial change aren’t always for the better are they; perhaps you should have left it as the status quo or any other rock band that takes your fancy!
With the last game of triples and all still to play for it was the fiendish Malcolm X accompanied by Wilf and Peter the replacement captain but for how long? Who would they meet the fair lady Jane, Lanky and Meme.
The game was virtually the same as the first triple the Harbour struck first taking two then it was all Beer taking a 8-2 lead. Blast those invaders with their cyborgs and band of misfits they clawed their way back onto level terms at 8-8. Once again one point would settle the game but curse our luck it was the Harbour that came out on top winning the game 9-8 and giving us the narrowest of wins of 3-2.
What a night lots of laughs and plenty of fun plus a win to boot, sadly it looks like we wont be returning to play the Harbour or many of the other teams we had so much fun with this season as it looks like relegation is heading our way.

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Colyton FC V Beer Club - 27th August 2013.

“How long was it?” – Captain Meme reporting
With Beer club five points adrift at the foot of division one and strong enough to hold everyone else up relegation was looming large so a win over our adversaries for the night was vital.
In a galaxy far far away well Colyton which feels like another galaxy sometimes, we readied the rebel alliance from Beer to battle with Daft Vader and his band of storm troopers accompanied by the odd mercenary or two.
The first game started in daylight and finished in the gloom of night lasting almost an hour. This titanic battle saw Ann and Paul from the galactic federation in close quarter combat with Woody and Meme from the alliance.
The lead changed many times with several killed ends thrown in for good measure and as we approached the hour mark of the game it stood all square at 8-8. In a very tight end Colyton managed to get the point needed and thus winning the first battle in but not the war.
The second wave of attack featured the mercenary pairing of Antonia and Neville a devious and ruthless pairing from the Colyton federation. With James and Owd Bob for the rebels jumping into action they got under way.
It was a hard fought game once again but it was Colyton which had the slightly better accuracy, enabling them to pull away and win 6-9.
Despite all the joviality and mirth which there was a lot of it we still found ourselves two nil down and on the verge of defeat.
In one of the quickest games of the night comprised of Merv and the Emperor’s newest apprentice Rick who battled it out with the heavy weights of the alliance Sparky and lanky. With a strong thrust the alliance of Beer triumphed 9-3 obviously the apprentice’s powers are not fully complete yet!
The Emperor was out for revenge unleashing his dogs of war Neville, Paul and Ann upon Sparky, Lanky and James. Our mighty duo from the previous game had lost their way some what and James couldn’t compensate the federation closed in for the kill and swiftly finished them off wining the game 4-9.
The alliance had lost the war against the federation but could they win the last battle of the night against Merv, Antonia and Rick the new apprentice, in reply the alliance dispatched Woody, Owd Bob and Meme.
In another epic of a game which lasted almost as long as the first contest. Beer had a slight advantage the opposition were spent Beer where in control Woody slotted in two shots. Meme was to follow with a possible six points on offer. Meme added another then disaster as he got a bit too close to the jack and shot it flying, a few choice words of encouragement were offered at this time! Well they did tell me to make sure I got close!
With no real damage done and all still to play for the alliance once again they found themselves level at 8-8. The Emperor’s new apprentice’s powers improving all the time and it gave the Colyton federation the edge in this last end and Beer once again found themselves on the wrong end of an 8-9 score line completing the demolition of the rebel alliance 1-4.
In the longest game we’ve ever played lasting a whopping three and three quarter hours finishing at 11:15pm we were all freezing and mighty relieved it was over.
With relegation looming larger than ever and looking more than a distinct possibility our time in the top flight of boules looks to be a thing of the past.
Never mind there’s always the food to look forward to which we promptly demolished with gusto.
We travelled back reminiscing about the match which could have just as easily been a three, two score line in our favour but lady luck unfortunately wasn’t on our side tonight, with two matches to play and a back match all against top three placed teams in the league things are looking grim but are we down hearted, no!
Next week we face the first of these challenges the Harbour A, wish us luck we will definitely need it!

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Whitford Warriors V Beer Club - 6th August 2013.

Read all about it “survival clash” – Captain Meme reporting
This week’s gripping episode is a bottom of the table clash between the Royal Clarence and Beer club. 
The atmospheric conditions were still being kind to us even though we appeared to be in the middle of the monsoon season. You never know that summer might return if we wish hard enough and promise not to expose anymore of the team than their arms and legs, which is more than enough for anyone to bear.
Eventually that fine body of men we call our team had assembled around the bar of course, struggling manfully to resist the temptations on offer and not succeeding in doing a very good job of it!
All the chaps and the chapess of the Clarence had arrived in two waves, was this some cunning plan or diversionary tack tic you never know with these foreigners from across the boarder, with Bob and his posse all assembled we headed for the piste
The Clarence was the strong team at the foot of the league holding all the others up, with the club just one position above with both teams trying to escape the drop zone!
The opening game saw Owd Bob and badger taking on the Gary and Pat the femme fetale of the Clarence.
Obviously the feminine charms of Pat had quiet an effect on our boys and caused them to go all wobbly at the knees and other parts as well I expect, this was just what the Clarence was looking for a good start winning 2-9.
Seeking to put us back on level terms were Woody and James the opposition reply was to play Roger and David the debonair sophisticate about town.
Did our boys have some sort of lucky charm; they appeared to have as they promptly strode to a 9-0 victory levelling the match once again.
With Captain against Captain, Meme and Sparky would play Bob and Buz and as you would expect it was a tough game. At 2-5 down we were holding shot and the Clarence were done, Meme added another with Sparky to play could he make it another three? Well buy the time he’d finished we’d lost two shots and were trailing 2-7. That was the turning point in the game even with a fight back it was not enough and we had lost the fight 6-9.
Lanky had returned from his meeting and was joined by Owd Bob and James in the first of the triples. We couldn’t afford to lose this game against Bob, Buz and super woman Pat. Lanky seemed to be making a difference with the boys 7-2 up and cruising. Super woman and the other two super hero’s Buz Lightyear and Brainwave Bob made their move taking seven shots in a row to snatch a vital game 7-9 and cross the winning line three, one.
We couldn’t win the match any more but if we managed to win the final game of the night the Clarence would still be bottom of the league.
Woody, Sparky and Meme would battle it out with Gary, Rodger and David. Sparky was at it again, Beer was holding shot and by the time he’d finished the opposition were in possession of the jack!
He was scoring more for the other side than he was for the club and with lady luck favouring the Clarence we soon found ourselves on the wrong end of a 2-9 score line.
The Clarence had relegated us to the bottom of the league compounding our most disastrous season. At the moment it looks like a three way tie for relegation between us the Kings and Queens and the Royal Clarence with one point separating the three teams, the Kings and Queens have a game in hand though so it’s not looking good, there’s still time to pull off the great escape yet!
Next week we travel to the land of the happy wonderers and the Whitford warriors to do battle, let’s hope we will be triumphant over them again and start our escape from the drop zone.

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Beer Club V Royal Clarence A - 30th July 2013.

Read all about it “survival clash” – Captain Meme reporting
This week’s gripping episode is a bottom of the table clash between the Royal Clarence and Beer club. 
The atmospheric conditions were still being kind to us even though we appeared to be in the middle of the monsoon season. You never know that summer might return if we wish hard enough and promise not to expose anymore of the team than their arms and legs, which is more than enough for anyone to bear.
Eventually that fine body of men we call our team had assembled around the bar of course, struggling manfully to resist the temptations on offer and not succeeding in doing a very good job of it!
All the chaps and the chapess of the Clarence had arrived in two waves, was this some cunning plan or diversionary tack tic you never know with these foreigners from across the boarder, with Bob and his posse all assembled we headed for the piste
The Clarence was the strong team at the foot of the league holding all the others up, with the club just one position above with both teams trying to escape the drop zone!
The opening game saw Owd Bob and badger taking on the Gary and Pat the femme fetale of the Clarence.
Obviously the feminine charms of Pat had quiet an effect on our boys and caused them to go all wobbly at the knees and other parts as well I expect, this was just what the Clarence was looking for a good start winning 2-9.
Seeking to put us back on level terms were Woody and James the opposition reply was to play Roger and David the debonair sophisticate about town.
Did our boys have some sort of lucky charm; they appeared to have as they promptly strode to a 9-0 victory levelling the match once again.
With Captain against Captain, Meme and Sparky would play Bob and Buz and as you would expect it was a tough game. At 2-5 down we were holding shot and the Clarence were done, Meme added another with Sparky to play could he make it another three? Well buy the time he’d finished we’d lost two shots and were trailing 2-7. That was the turning point in the game even with a fight back it was not enough and we had lost the fight 6-9.
Lanky had returned from his meeting and was joined by Owd Bob and James in the first of the triples. We couldn’t afford to lose this game against Bob, Buz and super woman Pat. Lanky seemed to be making a difference with the boys 7-2 up and cruising. Super woman and the other two super hero’s Buz Lightyear and Brainwave Bob made their move taking seven shots in a row to snatch a vital game 7-9 and cross the winning line three, one.
We couldn’t win the match any more but if we managed to win the final game of the night the Clarence would still be bottom of the league.
Woody, Sparky and Meme would battle it out with Gary, Rodger and David. Sparky was at it again, Beer was holding shot and by the time he’d finished the opposition were in possession of the jack!
He was scoring more for the other side than he was for the club and with lady luck favouring the Clarence we soon found ourselves on the wrong end of a 2-9 score line.
The Clarence had relegated us to the bottom of the league compounding our most disastrous season. At the moment it looks like a three way tie for relegation between us the Kings and Queens and the Royal Clarence with one point separating the three teams, the Kings and Queens have a game in hand though so it’s not looking good, there’s still time to pull off the great escape yet!
Next week we travel to the land of the happy wonderers and the Whitford warriors to do battle, let’s hope we will be triumphant over them again and start our escape from the drop zone.

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Ship Castaways V Beer Club 23rd July 2013.

The tide is high – Captain Meme reporting
Due to a logistical problem with the transport commonly known as a balls up, part of the team including Captain Meme arrived slightly adrift. We soon dropped anchor and caught up with the rest of the gang, where plenty of grog had been procured or perhaps even smuggled and the team were starting to get their sea legs.
Owd Bob felt the Ships very long piste was too much for him and would be a spectator supporting with Smokestack, this meant with some illness still in the team we had managed to acquire the minimum six players required.
Bob had made a start in selecting the playing order and Meme completed it when he arrived.
Quite a change in the order with Lanky and Sparky starting proceedings for the club against Terry and Steve. No sooner had the game started than Beer’s duo was up the creek without a paddle. No matter how well they played the Ship managed to play just that little bit better, try as they might the Ship cruised away to a 1-9 victory.
It was time for James and Meme to see if they would sink or swim in the second game of the night. Chris and Pete were the predatory sharks released from the Ship; once more the team found it self swimming against the current and struggling to keep their heads above water. James and Meme managed to score two points but as in the first game it was a case of déjà vu, as we raised our game they raised there’s even higher and soon we were left in their wake 2-9.
Do you ever get that sinking feeling Badger and Woody certainly did in a virtually identical repeat of the first game. Nick and David set sail and never looked back casting adrift our duo 1-9 and with it the match!
All at sea and we were in desperate need of a metaphorical lifeboat to keep us a float.
Embarking on a quest and launching a counter attack in search of points Lanky, Sparky and Badger launched a salvo in the direction of Chris, Pete and Steve they returned fire.
This battle continued with the lead changing hands several times, broad side followed broad side and with a concerted push from Beer the scores were drawn at six all.
The next end was extremely close with every shot fired the lead changed hands, with Beer holding the Ship fired and sprung the jack taking three shots and the game 6-9.
It really did look like we were in with a chance to win a game, but were we going to win anything at all?
Our last armada of Woody, James and Meme set sail to unleash everything and give it our all even the galleys sink if need be!
Alan, Terry and Nick were waiting grappling irons in hand ready for the battle to begin. The honours were more or less evenly shared to start; the Ship gained a one shot advantage at 4-5. We had been dislodged and the ship was now holding two, Lanky shouted to Meme knock the jack on. This Meme duly obliged springing the jack and scoring four for the club. James cunningly played a short jack length and was holding shot; the ship had expelled all of their shot and held prime position which left Woody the chance of glory. With his first shot clattering amongst the boules he’d moved the jack, we were holding shot and game at 5-9.
Finally we had won a game avoiding the dreaded white wash, although we had been well and truly beaten and nearly flogged to within a inch of our lives, ha ha.
Not down hearted we headed toward the bar with our comrades in arms where we were greeted by a sumptuous spread of vittels.
Driving home and reflecting on what might have been? Also contemplating what lies ahead in our bottom of the table clash with the Royal Clarence A next week at home, why not come along and support and watch the fun.

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Beer Club V - Whitford Warriors 22nd July 2013.

A night to remember – Captain Meme reporting
Looks like we’ve gone from summer to the stormy season all in one day although still very humid and hot, like the tropics but with less jungle! Some people have said roll on winter it’s too hot all I can say is after the past summers we’ve had they must be stark raving mad.
Tonight’s game is a back match from mid May against the Whitford Warriors, those of you that know them know that they are an exuberant and fun loving joy a minute  bunch there’s never a dull moment when there around!  
On to the business in hand of missing players with Badger, Big Kim, Little John and Lanky Sam unavailable it fell to Paul B our back up of a reserve sub to pick up the slack.
James and Woody opened for the club with the Warriors field the pairing of Peter and Bill, the formalities over the game got underway.
With some fine play on both sides the game was tight with nothing between them up to the half way point. The Warriors turned the screw a little more and moved up a gear which enabled them to pull away and reach the finishing line 4-9.
Not the start we’d hope for but I’m sure Owd Bob and our secret weapon Paul would put that right, the opposition’s response was to deploy Keith T and Steve.
Paul was making the most of it playing as if he’d always played for us, he was on fire Owd Bob was even hotter in fact you might say scorching. Even with their asbestos gloves on the Warriors found Beer’s duo too hot to handle and melted under the pressure losing 4-9.
One game apiece the match level, it was the turn of Sparky and Meme to collect their weapons of choice and enter the gladiatorial ring. Standing in their way would be yet another Keith, Keith C and captain Paul. Has Whitford been under going some secret government genetic experiment cloning Keith’s it seems so as there’s a lot of them about, perhaps the C stands for clone who knows?
Whitford and its clone struggled to perform and with Sparky and Meme firing in the shots it was soon quickly over the Warriors defeated 2-9 and Beer back in front again.
Would Owd Bob, James and Sparky give us that winning game and match. That band of happy wonders from Whitford response was swift with Bill, Peter and Keith C racing to a 0-9 win in three ends that put a smile on their face or was it wind?
Another match tied at two, two and a final game decider could Sparky, Woody and Meme return the favour, Keith T, Steve and Capt Paul stood like a defensive wall in our path. Beer’s trio found a weak point and were through the Warriors defences taking two shots in the first end and five in the second to lead seven nil. Would we win in three ends? No, it was not to be as Whitford scored three in the very next end, we could win in four ends taking the two shots for the game and the match. What a turn up for the books second from the bottom of the league beating second from the top, who would have thought it!
Would you believe it one win in the first half and then nothing now two wins in a row!
That deserved another drink and some fine nosh in the bar where we gazed upon the dejected Warriors who were putting a brave face on things, after they had left we celebrated into the night. As it was a back match it will only be a few short weeks until we meet again were they will no doubt be looking for revenge!
Tuesday lets hope the tides in as we head for the Ship to play the castaways, a tough match in prospect but can we make it three wins in a row lets hope so!

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Beer Club V - Kings and Queens 16th July 2013.

“It’s a miracle” – Captain Meme reporting
The heat wave continues and the fine body of manliness is on view once again glistening in the sun like the Chippendales, a fair comparison don’t you think?
For once we had more than the six players required for a team but only just, miracle number one.
We decided to mix things up a bit this week to see if it would make a difference to the outcome of the match, oh please let it make a difference!
Owd Bob and Meme would kick things off playing against Tracey and Tom of the Kings and Queens. It looked like both sides had borrowed Dave’s Stevie Wonder glasses as they were not performing to their best shall we say! Beer’s pairing finally found a patch of form and pulled ahead and with lady luck on their side triumphed 9-4.
The change of tack ticks seemed to be working would it continue to do so for Sparky and James in the next game. The opposition facing them was Maureen and Captain Steve. It was a game where the Kings and Queens dominated; our couple of Chippendales couldn’t quite find their rhythm when strutting their stuff and the inevitable duly arrived, they tried their best but it was not quite good enough losing 4-9.
Could Lanky Sam and Badger fare any better against Nick and Judas Iscariot formally Andy the Fish of Beer club, having supposedly collected his thirty pieces of silver and now playing for the Kings and Queens. It seem so as they raced into a seven nil lead they looked unstoppable scoring points at will Nick and Andy looked done for. Whether they thought they had nothing to lose or it was all part of a cunning ploy I don’t know. They started to make a come back edging closer and closer to Lanky and Badger, soon they were in striking distance and strike they did winning nine points in a row to win 7-9. Lanky and Badger must of been gutted at that what a turn around!
The change of tack tics didn’t seem to be paying off, oh well in for a penny in for a pound.
Lanky, James and Woody took their place on the piste where they were looking to get the better of Steve, Tom and Andy. The fight was on with sides giving their all, taking and giving as good as they got. Beer club became victorious in the end overcoming the kings and Queens 9-5 in a see saw game, setting up a last game decider for the match would we have lady luck on our side?
Badger, Sparky and Meme were the clubs trio and rearing to go, who would they face it was Maureen, Tracey and Nick. The first end started well with the club taking three shots the three amigos meant business taking another two shots in the second end. Five nil up, we weren’t sitting on our laurels though as we had already lost one game from seven nil up!
Meme struck off and was still holding shot after the Kings and Queens had run out of ammunition. Badger and Sparky were playing equally as well managing to slot in the remaining shots we required. What a win 9-0 in three ends and we had won our second game of the season and our first over the kings and Queens, who said lightning doesn’t strike twice in the same place winning for the second time at home 3-2 and again nine nil in the final game.
Returning to the bar to celebrate wine and dine ourselves and reminiscing long into the night.
We have two games next week a back match at home against the Whitford warriors on Monday and a league match away against the Ship castaways so possibly two more wins, ha ha.

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Gerrard B V Beer Club - 9th July 2013.

The good the bad and Stevie Wonder – Captain Meme reporting
What a scorcher sun, sun and more sun all the team were wearing shorts and short sleeved shirts what a sight to behold, such a bunch of manliness never seen before?
Not for the first time and probably not the last the roll of those missing which included Little john, Owd Bob and Woody so we called upon super sub Big Kim, to step into the breech once more.
Lanky Sam and Meme were at the club procuring some liquid elbow relaxant when Badger and Big Kim arrived with the transport for the journey to the Gerrard, Sparky and James would meet us there.
After arriving and purchasing some more elbow relaxant the team seemed to be in a very jocular and mischievous mood, looks as though were in for a quiet night tonight I thought!
With a slight change to the order Badger and Sparky aimed to show what they were made of against Ros and Steve in the first of the pairs.
Disaster, as Sparky and Badger’s world came crashing down around their ears losing five shots in the first end. They struggled and never recovered from that first leg hammering five nil very quickly became game over, Ros and Steve had over powered our duo 1-9.   
Super sub Big Kim and James were eager to get the show on the road, Mike and Richard were just as keen to get going.
James was the pathfinder with big Kim taking the roll of anchor man not hard for him bearing in mind all his nautical experience. It was not going according to plan with the Gerrard taking a good lead, Big Kim weighed anchor and set sail with James on a quest for points. It wasn’t long before they found some, then some more which gave them a 9-6 victory.
Next it was the turn of Lanky Sam and Captain Meme to take on George partnered by Captain Dave with his mysterious X-ray specs.
Again the Gerrard took the lead only to be pulled back this pattern continued, until the jack was straddled by a boule from either side. Dave said that’s ours, we said looks even asking for a measure. Kaz the ref taking Dave’s word said one to the Gerrard; I think Dave needs to change his glasses as he appears to have borrowed Stevie Wonder’s! That was the turning point; as they went on to win a hard fought game 7-9.
Two, one down we couldn’t afford to lose another game as we would lose the match.
This didn’t seem to detract anyone in the team taking the mickey out of the opposing team or ours so spirits were still high!
Sparky, James and Big Kim a formidable trio had to face an equally formidable trio in the shape of Jen, Ros and Steve.
The game was neck and neck and poised nicely the Gerrard pulled away slightly, then Dave the umpire got out his Stevie Wonder glasses and that was curtains for our trio succumbing to a 4-9 defeat, with the match lost as well.
Three, one down could we pull one back to minimise the damage Badger, Lanky and Meme had that in mind. Kaz, Dave and George wanted the points for them selves to complete a 4-1 win.
Beer’s trio made a good start; back came the Gerrard then Dave tried to bring his Stevie Wonder glasses into play, Mike who was refereeing was having none of it and the point was ours, I suspect Mike might be off Dave’s Christmas card list now! It was to no avail though as we were beaten by the same score as our last trio 4-9, perhaps there was too much purchase and consumption of the liquid elbow relaxant or too much joviality going on, who knows? Either way it was a catastrophe we had lost 1-4 which meant we would more than likely be bottom of the league adding to our most disastrous season ever!
All the joking and mickey taking aside it was a good night especially for the Gerrard.
We headed for the bar to drown our sorrows and to devour the spread in front of us.
Afterwards we headed home vanquished although not down hearted as we were getting used of this by now, can we bounce back next week when we play the kings and Queens at home. We will try our best but who knows what’s in store?

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Singles and Pairs Finals Night - 2nd July 2013.

What a night! – Captain Meme reporting
A night of wet and dry, warm and cold lay ahead as we were soon to find out at the venue for the evening, the Kingfisher arms. Meme picked lanky Sam up good job he’d had his weetabix! They travelled to Colyton where they meet Owd Bob the third member of the trio representing Beer club.   
Both singles and pairs commenced at the same time and with Meme playing in the forth quarter finals game in the singles. He had time to watch and support Owd Bob and Lanky Sam, who were going head to head with Basil Dean and Tony Whitehurst from the Kings Jesters in the semi finals. 
Beer’s duo was on fire especially lanky he was playing like a man possessed, but by what? He couldn’t miss what ever he went for he got and Bob wasn’t half bad either. So it didn’t take long for our hero’s to romp to a 9-1 victory, that ment they had made it to the final of the pairs who would they meet we’ll find out later?
Meanwhile it was Captain Meme’s turn to start his campaign and again against the Kings Jesters and Gregg Hallett.
He got off to a good start finding himself 3-0 up. Then it all went horribly wrong and Gregg stormed ahead taking a 3-7 lead. With a pinch of guile and a dash of cunning Meme drew level at 7-7 only for his opponent to take a 7-8 lead and one point from victory. Meme was holding shot and hoping Gregg wouldn’t knock it out, by the time Gregg had depleted all his ammunition Meme was still holding shot. All he had to do was slot another boule into the head easier said than done, with lady luck on his side he did it, squeezing the narrowest of victories of 9-8 and making it through to the semi finals.
Lanky Sam and Owd Bob would play Rodney (0-9) Gush and Steve Cross in the final after beating Bob and Buzz from the Clarence in the semi finals even after being 2-6 down after Rodney gaffed giving away four shots. The game swung in favour of both sides but Lanky and Owd Bob lacked that spark from their previous round. It was the pairing from the Colyton FC who came out on top winning 9-6 Rodney and Steve had won the cup, as they had on two previous occasions in the last three years congratulation to both sides.
Meme now faced Graham Hayball from the Lamb mutton. It was not a good start for Meme who soon found himself 0-5 down. He pulled it back to 3-5 and was holding shot and could level the scores with his remaining shot, he fired only to see himself knock his holding boule out and replaced with the other only scoring one point. This seemed to set the standard for the rest of the game as on frequent occasions, Meme was holding shot and firing for a second or third only to knock his own boule out or move his opponents in. Graham went on to win 4-9 and lost in a very close final 8-9 to Peter Scotchford.
It was a very good showing from all concerned with Meme reaching the semi finals, Owd Bob and Lanky Sam finishing runners up in the pairs, unlucky boys!
Next week sees the start of the second half of the season and we are away to the up and down hill piste of the Gerrard arms, better make sure we have our crampons with us!

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Golden Hind B V Beer Club - 25th June 2013.

Sparky’s orbs of magic – Captain Meme reporting
It’s official half way through the season and even with one game in hand, it’s the worst start for us ever as we have only managed to win one game by the halfway stage! Which include two heavy defeats and the rest close results of 2-3, would tonight be any different?
Once more it was hard to find a full team with Little John ill, Smokestack in retirement for the season and Lanky Sam conveniently away visiting family.
We headed for the Golden Hind, top of the league and our team of mere mortals nearly bottom of the league. We had seen the bank manager the day before for a team loan to enable us to purchase some of the liquid delights on offer.
Upon arrival we managed to drag a bag of wonga from the car we approached the bar with great trepidation. We were greeted warmly as normal just as a spider would welcome a fly into its web.
The first pairing to enter the dragons den were Badger and James the dragons they faced came in the shape of Tim and Terry. We made a good start taking a 3-0 lead it was looking promising for the boys from Beer. As the way of the season so far it all went pear shaped and 3-0 soon became 3-9 as the Golden hind took all the remaining points.
Sparky and Capt Meme entered into an epic battle with Kathy and the Golden hind’s
Captain Gerard. Shot for shot, point for point with nothing separating them the game was dead locked at 5-5. Sparky and Meme then managed to take a slight lead thanks to one of Sparky’s acrobatic boules, landing and double back flipping with a one and a half twist into position right next to the jack. Then Gerard kindly made it two shots giving us a 7-5 lead. Kathy and Gerard took a point in the next end we responded in kind in the following end again with one of Sparky’s magical boules. In the last end of the game Meme plonked one right on the jack and the Golden hind couldn’t budge it and that was game over and we had won 9-6 levelling the match at 1-1.
At least we won’t be losing the match five nil as we had on our previous two visits!
The last of the pairs saw Owd Bob and Woody facing Steve and Paul. Meme went to get a round in, yes you read correctly wonders will never cease! By the time he got back he had to overcome a second shock as it was all over 0-9.
Owd Bob, Sparky and Meme lunched the clubs counter attack against the Golden hinds Kathy, Tim and Terry. What a start we raced to a 6-0 lead could we manage to inflict a 9-0 win in return? It was not to be for in the very next end they scored three shots. With the help of some more of Sparky’s acrobatic magic we had a 9-6 victory and levelled the scores again and the match.
With the match poised at two all and another three two result ahead could we swing it in our favour?
Woody, James and Badger hoped to do so but standing in their way are Steve, Mark and Paul. Alas it was not to be with the Golden hind firing in some cracking shots the match was theirs with a score of 1-9. Again we were on the wrong end of a three two score line.
With the match lost we grabbed another bag of dosh and headed for the bar to devour the delicacies on offer.
We finally headed for the club and a night cap and some reasonable prices and found ourselves barred and it was only 10:15pm this was more disappointing than the lost game!
On to next week and it’s the singles and pairs finals night at the Kingfisher. Where we have representatives in both events who knows what might happen you never know!

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Beer Club V Harbour A - 18th June 2013.

The Malcolm X-files case – Captain Meme reporting
The night started like any other boules night had for countless year’s people gathering from towns and villages assembling for what lay ahead.
No one would have believed that we were being watched and scrutinised like tiny creatures would be watch and scrutinised with a microscope, but we were. They were the Harbour A, a mysterious bunch looking for the entire world to be the same as you and I but we suspected differently!
When they arrived at Beer club, Beer’s team were propping the bar up trying to stop it from falling over this they were very adept at even managing to hold a drink with one hand at the same time.
After stabilising the bar we felt it was safe to head for the piste this we succeeded in doing and I might add without spilling a drop!
All appeared too normal to start until the shake of hands, there was a cold unearthly feel quite out of this world but you just couldn’t put your finger on it! or want to! Mike was their captain although this shady figure dressed in his pink jumper and shirt a cunning camouflage seemed to be the real ring leader. Calling himself Malcolm he was so mysterious we called him Malcolm X, I think we will need our wits about us tonight.
Owd Bob and James who decided they would be the first to face the unknown in the form of Richard and the femme fatale Doris.
Richard had dark glasses on similar to Dave’s from the Gerrard were his also some form of x-ray specs or tracking device? It appeared so for each time one of our lads positioned a boule nicely beside the jack Richard some how always managed to dislodge it or move it just enough. The femme fatale was equally devastating leaving carnage in her wake so between them they quickly became the winners with a score of 4-9.  
Next to enter the arena and face the beings from another place were Lanky Sam and captain Meme. In stepped Graham and the beguiling and mysterious Malcolm X whether there optical tracking systems was slightly askew or it was a deception to make us believe they might actually be from this world I don’t know. With Graham and Malcolm X leading us to believe they were fallible Lanky and Meme saw there chance and grabbed it with both hands winning the game 9-3.
It was Sparky and Badger’s turn to face “The Invaders” similar or the same to the ones in the cult TV series/documentary released here in the 1970’s. They showed little emotion and had a deformed little finger that would not bend. Mike and John stood there a picture of self confidence and supremacy just waiting to start.
A valiant struggle ensued with Beer giving their all in a close hard fought game but it was to no avail as the others kept their composure to win 7-9.
Two, one down and we had to win the final two games to win, a daunting prospect ahead in view of what we where experiencing.
Badger, Sparky and Lanky Sam now faced Graham, John and Richard with his optical tracking device. As before every time they got near the jack it was magically moved or the boule was despatched with effortless ease. A score in favour of the Harbour was never in doubt which they took 2-9 this enabled them to win the match with one game still to come.
Try as we might there was still no concrete proof for all our observations although we suspected a lot about our foes.
The final game of the night saw Owd Bob, Woody and Capt Meme facing Mike, Malcolm X and his femme fatale Doris.

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Singles and Pairs Qualifying - 11th June 2013.

“Oh what a night” – Captain Meme reporting
Summer’s over for this year by the looks of it dull overcast and of course liquid sunshine.
Never mind after last summer I think we could put up with almost anything Mother Nature has to throw at us!
Owd Bob and Lanky Sam were heading in the direction of their old stomping ground the White Hart like two gladiators even if slightly past their sell by dates. To flex their muscles and show what they were made of, this they did by exercising the most important one putting a pint or three away with such precision, let’s hope their aim with the boules will be as accurate in the pair’s competition?
The first round saw them do battle with the Seaton town football club B it went well for the boys
Winning 9-1what an opener second round here we come!
Their opponents in the following round were the Gerrard arms B team which I’ve been led to believe were Ros and Steve this looked like a tuff match in prospect. It was by all accounts what a ding, dong of a battle with Beer being triumphant and winning a tight match 9-6.
On to the quarter finals and the boys were up against the girls from the Kingfisher rebels would their feminine charms sway the outcome of the match?  Luckily the beer had numbed the parts which might have been affected which enabled Owd Bob and Lanky Sam to succeed in their quest to reach finals night and the semi finals where they meet Basil Dean and Tony Whitehurst from the Kings Jesters looks like those sell by dates may need to be revised after all, well done lads!
Captain Meme entered the fray on behalf of the Club in the singles this year as he has for the last three tournaments. Could Meme make it to the finals night the same as Owd Bob and Lanky Sam only time would tell?  
Meme was Billy no mates for the night as those that were available travelled to watch the pairs.
Travelling to the venue which of course was the Kings Arms the arena for one to one combat just like two Jedi knights light sabres in hand fighting to the finish with no room for errors no one to hide behind or back you up.
The opening round got underway with Meme slugging it out with the Ship castaways Jedi candidate.
Meme took two points from the first two ends his adversary took three shot from the following two ends gaining a slight lead of 2-3. This he stretched to 2-5 Meme saw danger and had to make a move.
“Use the force Meme use the force” I could hear my Jedi masters voice saying, the force was strong within him I took the maximum three shots to lead 6-5, Ship Vader struck back drawing level at 6-6.
In what turned out to be the last end I put my boule right in front of the jack, Ship Vader summoned the force and with his last shot knocked the jack to the left. Meme Skywalker’s force was stronger and the jack stayed his, all he had to do was use the force to guide his remaining boules to the jack. He had taken another full house scoring the three shots to take the game 9-6 my opponent vanquished, banished to the waste lands forever.
The next round would be a clash of the Jedi from the planet Gerrard Red Balls against our hero. The force so strong that their contestant saw discretion as being the better part of valour and with drew from the tournament. Meme Skywalker had made it to the finals night for the third time in a row where he and his fellow Jedi’s in the pairs would meet adversaries from the small moon kings Jesters in the Kaylium galaxy.
Next week back to planet Earth and terror firmer landing at Beer club where we will battle it out with the Harbour A, why not come along.

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Royal Clarence A V Beer Club - 6th June 2013.

Jumping Jack Flash – Captain Meme reporting
The days Thursday and it’s our second boules match of the week a back game against the Clarence. Summers’s still with us for the moment and warm enough for the shorts to come out with those bits of white string hanging from them.
The gang gathered at the club and had a swift one or three before squeezing into Woody’s passion wagon for the arduous journey to Seaton. We arrived in one piece just about, where we were greeted by Smokestack so good to see him back in the fold and rearing to go. He greeted us like he’d never been away “where you’ve bloody been, your late” we were so pleased to see him really!
Eager to get going Smokestack and Jackanory James played Buz and Bob on a very different piste from our last visit in the opener of the evening. It was one of those games were the jack was jumping all over the place you only had to get near it and gone in a flash. It seemed that the new piste was a little prone to this to say the least. The boys held their own for a while unfortunately Smokestacks lack of match play in conjunction with them not being able to deal with  Jumping Jack flash resulted in a 3-9 defeat.
It was a similar case when Owd Bob and Sparky went head to head with Gary and Pat. Sparky’s appeared to be on the wrong voltage far from his electrifying best as most of the time he was undoing the shots Owd Bob had  worked so hard to secured. The result was inevitable with Sparky not sparking and Owd Bob not being able to compensate it soon became 5-9 in favour of the Clarence. The third game of pairs saw Lanky Sam and Capt. Meme in a game of swings and roundabouts. Challenging them for dominants were the sly old fox Dave and his partner in crime Linda. Holding a lead of 5-3 and trailing in the end, our last shot sprung that pesky Jack leaving the opposition holding one with four to play. One soon became five and things looked grim at 5-8. Jumping jack was at it again in a virtually identical end except we were the ones that benefited this time drawing it all square at 8-8.
The end was a tight and tense affair with Beer’s duo snatching shot with their last boule and the Clarence having four shots remaining. The pressure had got to them and we were still holding shot at the end of it all taking the narrowest of wins of 9-8. 
Defeat had been averted with the scores standing at 2-1 in favour of the Clarence the triples commenced.
Woody our chauffer extraordinaire Owd Bob and Jackanory James took their positions on the piste waiting for the opposition of Buz, Bob and Pat to get the game underway. It was a game of missed opportunities and that darn jack which once again favoured the Clarence helping them to a win of 2-9. We had lost another match the question was could we win the final game of the night and limit the damage.
The gauntlet and challenge laid down by Dave, Gary and Linda was never so eagerly accepted by Sparky, Lanky and Meme. Losing the first end 2-0 was not the start envisaged not daunted they level at 2-2.
A change of tactics after that it was all one way traffic driving straight to a 9-2 win. Meme creating the damage and Sparky and Lanky scoring the shots it was quickly over. Defeat was still ours but by the smallest of margins.  
Retiring to the bar to dine on the assembled spread not the only delicacy of the evening as Jackanory James had given me some Cockchafer flavour pork scratchings what a treat, a huge bug yum, yum just like the bush tucker trails.
Next week it’s the start of the singles and pair’s knock out cup where bar any last minute changes Lanky Sam and Owd Bob will be representing the club in the pairs and Meme will once again battle it out in the singles.   

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Beer Club V Colyton FC - 4th June 2013.

“It’s a kind of magic” – Captain Meme reporting
I don’t want to say too much but it appears that summer may have arrived, sunny dry and warm what a sight for sore eyes.
Well we might as well get it over with a roll call of those missing from the register. Those not saying “here sir” were Woody, Little John and Badger. Not daunted we called upon super sub Big Kim to step into the breech once more although slightly adrift in time not at sea.
The remaining members of the team that were propping the bar up decided to head for the piste closely followed by the Colyton FC team. A wilily cunning bunch looking to get another five nil win over us as they had for the past two home matches.    
Jackanory James, who is still hiding his light under a bushel accompanied by Owd Bob, got the show on the road against Steve and Denise. With both sides claiming points in the early ends all was set for a close game. Steve and Denise proved that they were the stronger pairing and forged a lead which they maintained to the finish crossing the line 4-9.
Lanky Sam and Capt Meme verses John and Pat provided the entertainment for round two. The opening end saw Meme holding three shot with the opposition spent and Lanky Sam to throw. Yes you guess it after Sam had finished playing Colyton was holding one shot. Up to half way in the game lanky Sam had scored more for opposing duo than ours. Sam threatened himself with detention and found his form and that was enough as Beers duo levelled the match winning their game 9-4.
The last pairing of the night got underway with super sub Kim and Sparky against the mighty duo of Rodney and Sue. The game swung one way then the other with neither side breaking away it seemed to be dead locked. Rodney started breathing and blowing or was it talking incantations to his boules? It did the trick the stalemate broken and enough for Rodney and Sue to seize a victory of 6-9.  
Smokestack made an appearance for the first time this season still not fully recovered from his illness and took a slot on the balcony keen to view the proceedings. He hopes to play later this week when we play a back match.
We needed to win the next game to stand a chance of winning the match with this in mind we fielded Sparky, Big Kim and Owd Bob. Steve, Denise and Pat obvious had a different outcome in mind as the game started. What a battle ensued both snatching points the lead changing several times which way would it finally swing. Well what do you know we won the game 9-6 drawing the match at two all with the prospect of a sudden death decider?
In the decider of do or die Jackanory James, Lanky Sam and Meme fought for supremacy against Rod, Sue and John. As soon as we started within three ends it was all over. With James, Sam and Meme taking four shots in the first end three in the second and two in the final end it was done and dusted a 9-0 whitewash. Jackanory James led well throughout with Meme and Lanky Sam filling in the gaps. We had won our first game of the season at the expense of Colyton FC. Even Rodney’s wizard like mumblings weren’t enough to save him he was shocked and spellbound at the speed and scale of the win it could be said “it’s a kind of magic”.
Smokestack said it was time for him to leave we said don’t you want to stay for the food he replied no thanks; he must be really suffering get well soon.
After we devoured the feast spread out before us we bid farewell to the boys and girls from Colyton, looking forward to the return leg and hopefully we will be as lucky.
We have a back match against the Royal Clarence later this week where I think we will need all our guile and cunning when we meet, come and cheer us on.

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Axe Cliff V Beer Club - 28th May 2013.

I’ve never known a night like it – Captain Meme reporting
On a day which felt more like winter than spring and it had been phissing down all day and didn’t look as though it was going to stop. The match was on, off, on, off in the words of the song “should I stay or should I go now” well we’re a hardy bunch and went for it our first game in nearly a month. Water proofs in hand we mustered at the club and once assembled we headed for the dizzy heights of the Axe cliff club.
Let’s hope the piste is in better shape than last year as it resembled Bob the builder’s yard at our last visit, this time apart from being like a paddy field things were looking good. In fact the bar was dryer than the piste running out of all sorts of libations as the evening wore on.
Would you Adam and Eve it we were struggling for a team again with little John and Lanky Sam unavailable luckily Owd Bob was at last fit enough to mix it with the best.
The first pairing to take to the paddy field were Jackanory James and Woody, Lloyd and Paul were fielded for the home team. The clubs dynamic duo was first out of the traps gaining a solitary point. The remainder of the game was a close affair and hard fought, Axe cliff had all the run of play and ran out 1-9 winners.  
Pete and Masher were on the piste waiting for Owd Bob and Badger to commence proceedings. They say lightning doesn’t strike twice, I can tell you it does with an exact replica of the first game losing 1-9 talk about deja vu and I’ll tell you when that lightning hits it doesn’t half smart a bit! Two nil down and only two points scored could Sparky and Meme fair any better against Boardy and Greener in the last of the pairs. Not for the first time tonight it was a close game with the ends being decided with one of the last throws by either side. The result was just the same as we were on the wrong end of a 2-9 defeat. 3-0 down and the match lost we were exasperated at how well we were playing and having little to show for it. Could we salvage any pride and win at least one game tonight. Jackanory James, Woody and Owd Bob had that just in mind. Looking to keep the pressure on were Boardy, Greener and Masher who took an early lead. The clubs trio took a single point in the following end and that was that. Greener had started his renowned bobbing and gyrating rhythmic display just as he had last season. He couldn’t be rehearsing for the opening ceremonies for the Olympics as suspected last year. So what was he practicing for? He was well versed in his routine although it did resemble the movements of someone who had too many sniffs of the barman’s apron? Never mind Greener you go for it and with the help of his team they did just that and quickly became 1-9 winners again! This was not our night as no matter how well we played the results were always the same.
Were Sparky, Badger and Meme in for more of the same, yes if Lloyd, Clouder and Pete got their way! Beer held a good lead of 3-1 then 3-2 soon becoming 6-4 could we actually win a game? Despite scoring more points than in the whole match Axe cliff managed to trail the jack and scored five to snatch victory at 6-9.
A good result for Axe cliff and a white wash for Beer we were not down hearted although a little damp and cold.
Our season has got of too a miserable start with our team yet to win a match you never know next Tuesday just could be the one?
While dining on sausage and chips (very nice too) it dawned on us that we had faired as badly, we were all suffering from altitude sickness. Which obviously Axe cliff had become acclimatized to their mountain top conditions.
We should be ok next as we are playing back at sea level at home to the Colyton FC lets hope lady lucks on our side and we fair somewhat better, wish us luck I think were going to need it.  

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Whitbread Cup - Beer Club V Gerrard B - 30th April 2013.

The draw was made and we were off with Little John taking on Steve in a close game and it proved to be that Steve was the better player on the night winning 6-9. Next was Jackanory James were he continued his debut season with a good win over George 9-5. Lanky Sam stalwart of the team was in disappointing form and succumbed to a 3-9 defeat. Badger did not have a good game at all losing to Jen 0-9. Could Capt meme stop the riot “you bet” he won as he beat mike in a close game 9-6. Last to play was woody who needed to win to force a play off. He was playing Dave with those mysterious X-ray specs of his which unfortunately gave him that edge wining 5-9. That means we had lost 2-4 and our cup run which had been so good for the past few years had come to an end.
Next week we are away to the Royal Clarence A where we will need all the luck and as much divine intervention we can get? After our recent run of form we will do our best there is no doubt of that!

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Beer Club V Ship Castaways - 23rd April 2013.

We are sailing or is it sinking - Captain Meme Reporting
Samwise of Ganges AKA Lanky Sam was due to make his first journalistic debut of the season.
Things don’t always run according to plan and as a result of his work load preparing for his verbal assault on the ear drums of the unsuspecting about his trip to the land of the Bombay b*m, India of course he has been unable to create a masterpiece on a par with great authors?
That means you’re stuck with the superb writing skills of Capt Meme full of great punctuation, grammar and speling of course.  
The tide was far enough in for the Ship Castaways to sail over from Axmouth following the smell of the alcohol and drop anchor at Beer.
Jackanory James partnered by Woody (Trevor) who was playing for the first time this season after returning from his visit to Lanky Sam in that continent of the falling trousers and toilet rolls, and celebrating deliveries from the stork within his family.
The spectators were all gathered in the gallery eagerly awaiting the contest to commence. The honours were evenly shared in the early exchanges with the scores standing at 3-3 the Ship changed gear and sailed away to a 3-9 victory.
The daring duo in the guise of Sparky and Capt Meme locked grappling hooks with Terry and Pete.
Cannons blazing and cutlasses at the ready we boarded the piste and launched our first salvos the Ship returned fired. This see saw battle continued with neither side gaining any advantage ending in six points apiece.
Beer’s shots began to find the target with greater accuracy blasting the Ship into a 9-6 defeat. 
Badger and Lanky Sam were the last of the pairs to play in a race to drop anchor against Dave and Chris.
The club’s duo made a cracking start taking the lead and extending it Chris and Dave decided to have another drink and that did the trick. They clawed their way back taking end after end until they had taken a slight lead. This proved to be decisive point for the Ship taking the remaining points required to triumph 6-9 and go 2-1 up in the match.
On to the triples and it’s Sparky, Jackanory James and Woody verses Nick, Pete and Alan. The contest got underway with the Ship cruising away and establishing a healthy lead over Beer’s trio. The boys reply was to take the next two ends and two points. Just as they were getting back in the swing of things they made a disastrous turn, jibed the Ship took full advantage running out 2-9 winners. 
Three one down and the match lost for the third time this season in three matches. Could Beers trio turn things around and make the score 2-3. I’m sure Dave, Chris and Terry would have a different outcome in mind.   
In these times of recession we all have to make cut backs so instead of the three tenors the club would have to make do with the three four pound fifty’s namely Badger, Meme, Lanky Sam in order of play. The Ships armada set sail to try and scupper us before we left port so to speak for the last game of the night.
Beer’s thirteen pound fifty worth won the first end two nil only to see the Ship unfold the spinnaker and pull in front to lead 2-4. It was not going well for the clubs trio but a cunning change to their tack ticks saw them change the order of play to Meme, badger and lanky. This worked as we won the next end had the tide began to ebb for the ship with the current now flowing in Beer’s favour. Yes, as we won all the remaining ends to win the game 9-4, Congratulation to the Ship who had still won the match 3-2. A close game which could of swung either way though a good time was had by all
After clearing away everything we headed for the bar with the charms of Ashley the barman and to devour the sandwiches of big Kim made by his own fair hands?
Next week the Whitbread cup as we take on the Gerrard B for the second time in nearly as many weeks.

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Kings and Queens V Beer Club - 16th April 2013.

A Close Shave - Captain Meme Reporting
In this weeks gripping adventure we all boarded the mystery machine, AKA sparky’s van driven by the mystery man himself Big Kim. We arrived at the kings Arms amid all the old folks homes just about in one piece “shaken but not stirred” and raring to go.
Again this week we were missing several members of the team some were away in foreign parts or out of action due to ill health. Having pulled a few strings and roping in a friend of a friend of a friend we managed to assemble a full team if not at full strength.
Tracey and Tom threw down the gauntlet only for Big Kim partnered by Jackanory story teller extraordinaire James to pick it up and get the first game of pairs underway. Both sides took points from the early exchanges though it was the Kings and Queens (KQ) who held the lead. Beer started to assert them selves and take a slight lead of their own. This see saw battle continued for the whole of the game until Beer were holding shot and with Kim’s last shot he nudged the jack in the direction of the KQ and disaster the two shots required for the opposition to win 6-9 in round one .
Paul. B the last minute substitute and Capt Meme took on the KQ’s Capt Steve and Maureen. In the first end Paul & Meme had the points in sight only for the jack to be sprung with last boule of the end scoring the KQ two points. The following end was even worse as each time we put a boule in the head and held shot only to see it dislodged. Have you ever had that Titanic feeling, we did as we lost five shots to go 0-7 behind. Even worst as it turned into the Little Big Horn and we were routed 0-9, two nil to the king’s arms.
Into the valley of death rode Lanky Sam and Sparky waiting in ambush were Nick and Mark. If you thought the last game of pairs was bad this one was even worse as if they’d disappeared into the Bermuda triangle the onslaught ferocious, savage and all over in two ends. 0-9 again with the match lost could anything be salvaged or were we on course for the dreaded white wash.
Jackanory James and Big Kim who had scored our only points joined forces with Sparky. In opposition Tracey, Tom and Nick were looking to continue the demolition of the Beer team would it be another nine nil?
It nearly was but in our favour as our trio made light work of their adversaries taking a 9-1 victory what a turn up for the books. The resistance movement had made it’s first counter strike and claimed a scalp for the club.
Concluding the match with the last game of triples and hoping for another miracle Paul, Meme and Lanky Sam Meet and locked horns with Capt Steve, Maureen and Mark in a last stand for the honours of their teams. Beer got the better of the early exchanges and leap into the lead which they increased. Just as the KQ started their own resistance movement, slowly creeping closer and closer. It was getting so close a good strike from either side would decide the game. The penultimate end was so close you could feel the tension and excitement not knowing which way the game would swing. Beer had been triumphant taking the points required for victory to win 9-7. It almost felt as though we had won the match after our disappointing start but 2-3 was not a bad result considering everything in the end.
Leaving the piste with its cold and damp air heading straight for the warm of the bar we quickly noshed all the food washing it down with plenty of liquids none alcoholic of course, if you believe that you’ll believe anything.
Reluctantly leaving the bar we headed home in the mystery machine and dwelling of how much worse things could have been and what a lucky escape we’d had.
Our next game is at home against the Ship Castaways providing we’ve got a team of course, maybe we will see you there.

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Beer Club V Gerrard Arms B - 9th April 2013.

Samwise of Ganges returns - Captain Meme Reporting
“Yesss! Yesss! Yesss!” As famously said in Seattle by Meg Ryan another boule season gets under way. With excitement, trepidation, thermals and umbrella’s good company and hopefully a few laughs.
Some changes to the line up of the team this year with fishy making the most of the transfer window.
Smokestack not available until late in the season if at all due to his ill health, get well soon Smokestack!
We welcome a new recruit to the fold James whose nickname has yet to be decided and the return of Badger.
The liquid sunshine managed to abate as we got under way with Little John and Badger playing in the first game of the evening against Ros and Steve.
Ros and Steve were playing up to their usual standard and with our duo struggling to find their range, the Gerrard B (GB) eased into a 5-1 lead. The following ends proved to be a much closer affair with both sides giving their all. Ros and Steve still managed to stretch their lead to win 1-9 first blood to the GB.
James and reserve extraordinaire Big Kim set to work on the pairing of Kaz and George. With James settling in quickly and Big Kim supporting they soon made their intentions clear and forged ahead. Kaz and George fought back but it was too little to late and Beer’s duo had succeeded in winning 9-3. 
Sparky and Capt Meme had an act to follow as they readied themselves for what was to come against Jen and Dave with his oddly tinted glasses. Were they his secret weapon, x-ray spec perhaps? What ever they were they were working well giving Dave this uncanny knack to dislodge our boules at will. The GB pairing quickly made it look effortless and soon reached a score of 1-9 not for the first time that night.
At this point Lanky Sam arrived returning after a three month expedition to India to which Sparky said you look just like Bill or was it Ben from the flower pot men dressed like that, never mind Sam we’re glad you’ve returned safe were upon we welcomed him back, as he’d travelled back from London that day and would view and support the progress of the team.
With James and Big Kim in form they were put into action in the first of the triples and joined by the mighty little John against Steve, Ros and Kaz.
The trio from the GB made a great start and pulled away from the Beer team. Big Kim, Little John and James returned fire in the next end and the spoils were theirs. Unfortunately for us Ros, Steve and Kaz upped their game and once again we found ourselves on the wrong end of 1-9 defeat, and with that the match was lost.
Now to the last game of the night and to try and save some dignity. It was Badger, Sparky and Meme for Beer and for the Gerrard would be Jen, George and Dave with his mystery specs.
Dave’s specs were working well again and aided by his compatriots the threesome took an early lead.
You know what they say “when the going gets tough go and get a pint” and this seemed to do the trick with the club taking several ends in a row. Soon passing the score of the opposition they had the wind behind them (probably too many beans for tea) and soon it became 9-4 and victory for the trio.
We’d lost our first game but only just and a good time was had by all the only thing missing was some sun and warmth but never mind.
Returning to the club to demolish the sandwich’s which is where we really missed Smokestack and to sink a few more bevies before both sides would call it a night.
We travel nearly as far as Lanky Sam did on his trip to India, when next week we journey to out reaches of Seaton and the Kings arms to play the Kings and Queens wish us luck.

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